Monday, January 17, 2011

Learning Limits

This surgery has changed my life completely. But it hasn't yet changed my relationship with food. I still see food and dream of the taste, and want to eat it in bulk. As you can imagine this is a big problem with a 2oz stomach.

I tried eating a handful of goldfish a few days ago. They came up about 10 minutes later. I also tried eating a few bites of chicken at work... yeah that came up too. But I have kept trying certain foods just to test what I can eat. Yogurt is not cutting it!

I have been fearing my work managers outing because I knew that I wouldn't be able to eat my meal properly. And thus I pre-ordered steak thinking I could just nibble on the potatoes, push the steak around, and call it a day. Well, we went to Campo di Bocce today in Livermore and it was just heaven on a plate! I ended up ordering spaghetti with meatballs and meat sauce because I have been able to keep down a few bites of pasta, and then I did try a little meat sauce from my mom's lasagna the other day.

We got to the restaurant and although I was DYING to order a diet coke, I ordered cranberry juice (I was just thinking something other than water and I don't like iced tea.... didn't drink the juice, it was gross). I nibbled (and I mean NIBBLED like little tiny pieces) an airy piece of french bread dipped in balsamic vinegar. I was THRILLED when it went down without issue. I passed on salad bc I know I am definitely not ready for leafy greens, and when my meal came, I cut up 1 meatball and smushed it into the meat sauce and nibbled on that. Because I was really aware of others eating a full meal, I ended up eating slowly as my doctor recommended. Low and behold.... NO BARF!!!!! I couldn't believe it!

But I would like to add that my "lack of appetite" was noticeable. My GM looked at me and said "don't you like your meal??" and my quick thinking coworkers who know I had the surgery just said to him "Oh you should see the other side with a big dent in it!". Whew. I wound up taking home 95% of my meal, a salad, and dessert. Which meant we had dinner tonight!!!!

Tonight I tried eating the meat sauce again. Up it came. And I have learned that I eat WAY TOO FAST which is why I keep regurgitating my food. A gross but interesting fact is that throwing up now doesn't phase me. It's as if you open your mouth and food just falls out. And even grosser is that it is completely undigested and looks like it did on the way in. Ew. My kids are very crazy in the evening and dinner time is really stressful so I noticed that I was just shoveling food in. So I paid the price.

Later on this evening after my stomach had calmed down, I attempted to eat a chickenless nugget. Yeah that didn't go well either. So I think I am done eating for today. Sigh sigh sigh. I am going to wrap up the evening with some ice water that I owe my body.

My little chuckle of the evening is "my eyes are bigger than my stomach". I don't know how much eyes weigh but if they are over 2oz they ARE bigger than my stomach : P

On the homefront things are ok. Aidan is under the weather and driving us nuts. Benji is adorable and really coming into his own. We also were able to extend our lease to month to month which is wonderful because we have lots of "what if"s right now.


  1. Gah sweetie, I could NOT imagine!!! You are doing so well though, I can't wait to see you at the end of your journey =)

  2. You're doing great! I can't imagine not eating the things I want to eat or throwing it back up every time! Patience really is a virtue! Good job hun!