Monday, January 24, 2011

Half & Half

I was trying to think of a creative title for this post because I am half happy, half discouraged with life.

Happy things first:

My clothes are looser! Although I have held pretty steady with a 20lb loss, I am apparently shrinking, and ironically it is in the thigh area! WOOHOO!!!! My stomach isn't shrinking much which my guess is thanks to my baby boy who stretched my skin out to no end. But hey, no complaints there when I can fit comfortably into pants that I haven't worn in months!

I have been trying to eat new things and kind of seeing where it goes and to date haven't had many bad reactions. Except yesterday I tried crab. I am not sure if I ate it too fast or if my body simply said no but I threw up 6+ times and my stomach hurt for over an hour. Normally when I get sick off food, I throw up once or twice and feel better almost immediately. This time, not so much. So crab is on the "do not eat" list for a bit. I did also have sashimi (tuna and salmon) and 1 piece of a spicy tuna roll. YUM!!!!!! And high in protein.

Also, the weather here has been GORGEOUS! High 60s yesterday and we walked to the park with the kids so I got some exercise finally. And lots of it because Benjamin was running all over the place. He is a crazy one, that kid!

Oh and recently a very very good friend of mine got engaged, and she is getting married at Harding Park! That was my very first "wedding planner" job so I know the property well and the ways to avoid wedding pitfalls there. I also offered my services on contacting vendors because thanks to NACE I now know a lot of people in the industry. Plus I love my friend and want her to have the wedding of her dreams!!!! So YAY for Joannah and Chris!

Lastly, 2 of my cousins born on the same day of the same year were diagnosed with cancer within a year. BOTH are now cancer free! I cannot tell you how amazing this news is. It is crushing to hear that a) those close to you who you love have cancer but b) that it is happening to 2 young women who are both incredibly bright, beautiful, and loving. So to hear that they are both doing well is amazing. This morning has been wonderful in the news department!

And now the bummers:

First of all my weight loss has been stuck for about a week now. That blows. But like I said, I am shrinking. So not too much of a complaint. I figure that at some point I have to start loosing again because I am only consuming 6-800 calories a day if that. I am putting myself back on a primarily liquid diet today and really focusing on getting in my water because I have noticed that when I eat, I drink a lot less. And I have been told numerous times that if I want to lose weight I need to drink tons of water and up my protein intake. So.. back to square 1. This time I don't mind as much because I have seen results and I want to see more!

Another issue I am dealing with is Roger thinking that he knows everything about bariatric surgery because his cousin who lives 2500 miles away had gastric bypass surgery 5-6 years ago, lost 50lbs and kind of gave up. Oh and I can't forget his dear friend Shelly (think "My Best Friend's Wedding" where the girl figures that at some point she and her guy best friend will get married one day bc they are both still single... yeah she didn't figure a feisty brunette and 2 kids would ever enter the picture) had gastric bypass 5-6 yrs ago and although she has lost at least 100 lbs has gained some back and occasionally eats at fast food places. Anyhow, last night we got into it because I said "The one thing I miss most since having the surgery is Diet Pepsi". It's true. I was a Diet Pepsi addict. I love the flavor and more than anything I love the bubbles! But because of the sleeve carbonation supposedly hurts like holy hell and I am not willing to test that theory out! So he went on a rampage about how I obviously have not tackled the emotional aspects of weight loss surgery and I should hate diet pepsi because it made me the way I was and I am trying to change, yada yada yada. When exactly he got his PhD I am not sure, but listening to a 139lb, 6ft tall, anorexic man tell me about weight loss psychology just made me want to punch him in his nose. It just reminded me that in life there are few people who can simply listen to you without judgement. So, if you are my friend and we have had discussions about life by simply listening to each other... THANK YOU! I need people like that.

So this entire discussion turned ugly but also made me question whether or not I am going to succeed. I feel like he is always there waiting for me to fail rather than building me up. It's like when you tell someone you're on a diet and you reach for a cookie and they say "you can't have that". I know they care and want to help but pointing out everything you can't have certainly doesn't make you want to eat better. And chances are in life, you will eat a cookie at some point. But to be able to take a small bite of a cookie as opposed to eating the entire bag like you used to.... to me that is progress! To him it's an alcoholic having a sip of a cocktail. I don't know who is right, but I do know that in life I will at times take a bite of something that isn't all protein. It's just really frustrating.

*** My mom did not feel comfortable with me talking about her on my blog so I have deleted a paragraph. I stand by my original post, but respect my mom's wishes. So that's that.

Alas, that is my update. I'm at work and debating on if I want to work today! haha. I really should get focused and get moving!

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