Friday, June 24, 2011

Finding the sunshine in the clouds

Whew, long time no blog!

I feel like so much has gone on in the past month or so that I should give a quick recap on where things stand as of today.

First, I got a new job! yay! I am working as one of the sales managers at a party rentals company. I LOVE IT!!!!! I cannot tell you enough how awesome my job is, how the relaxed structure allows for creativity and growth, and how I like my coworkers! So while I am grateful to simply HAVE a job now, I am super extra x28374893743 grateful that it is one I love :)

Second, Roger is home with Benji temporarily, which is a rare treat for our family. I must say it is nice to get ready for work and just say "ok i love you, bye!" as opposed to getting both kids dressed and fed and Aidan to school, etc. Also I think it has really changed Roger's understanding of Mr. Benjamin, who speaks little but expresses a lot! I know that when I stopped working at Hilton I really appreciated being home with Mr. Benj and I can see that Roger really enjoys it as well.

Cue "Here comes the bride": Wedding plans are coming along quickly! We are getting closer and closer to the big day and I am struggling to tie the loose ends together but I am sure it will all work out. The biggest challenge is finances, with all of this job switching going on. But, as we agreed previously, it is better to have a wedding and regret it (not the marriage silly, the wedding!) than regret not having one at all! Plus Aidan is really looking forward to it, as are some other members of the family. Hearing that someone is looking forward to YOUR wedding definitely puts a smile on the face!

Now onto the weightloss data! I am not really sure what I weigh today. Last week, as of June 15, I weighed in at the doctor's office at 170 lbs on the nose. That is a 75lbs weightloss since surgery on Dec 28, 2010!!!! HOLY GUAC!!!! I am in a size 12 clothes... a 10 in some dresses, a 14 in some pants (big hips still). I have not been a size 12 since Cal Poly, circa 2000. Yeah that's right, ELEVEN YEARS.

I feel absolutely amazing! And I also feel like I "can" wear certain things again. Case in point: shorts. I had started wearing only capris because when I wore shorts, it looked like my thighs were eating them! The other day in the midst of our Bay Area heat wave, I was SO hot and decided to try on a pair that I had stolen from my mom after giving them to her like 5 years ago..... THEY FIT! And not only did they fit, the looked GOOD! Never have I been so proud to rock a pair of shorts.

Same goes for skirts.... I had resigned myself to thinking that only skirts that reached the knee or below the knee looked good on me. My thighs are thick, my calves are ok.... nothing special. Well now that I can see my knee caps again, I tell ya I have no shame in wearing a mid-thigh skirt! Even those little booty shorts that companies make for either bed, or cheer practice, whatever... I have never been able to wear those because my thighs are bigger and my normal size would just make me look like a sausage.... ladies and gents, I cannot wear an XL anymore! I am a L almost a M. Never thought I would see the day in regards to my booty size.

Clothes shopping has become fun again! (Almost too fun to be honest, thank goodness for summer sales and Target) I no longer have to immediately head for the biggest size on the rack. I have to TRY STUFF ON. Sometimes it's TOO BIG! Can you imagine?! Something being too big on ME?!!!! Unheard of!

So with all of this positivity comes an insight that I came across on Wednesday. I got an email from a friend who has been working out like crazy and really started watching what she eats. She and I had previously commiserated about gaining a bunch of weight and would check in with where in the 200s we were at from time to time. I think her highest was 230 (not exactly sure but I know it was higher than 220). She hit the 190s!!!!! For us weightloss surgery peeps it is known as "One-derland".

Now as most of you remember the day I hit 199 I took a picture of the scale and posted it for the world to see on FB. She did not have the confidence to do so. Instead she emailed me and said that she was now in the 100s, and that I was the first person she thought of. AND: that she would love to share her news with the world but she was embarrassed of how fat she had "let herself get".

Ladies and Gents.... it is amazing what weightloss surgery will do for your shame factor. I have lost the shame associated with my weight, and while logically I know this is because I have lost so much of it, it makes me so sad that she cannot share her success with others because of fear of being judged. It is a totally reasonable fear, in my opinion, but still sad to me. She should be reveling in her achievement because Lord knows, losing 30ish lbs without surgery is a true challenge! And to do so while being a stay at home mom.... even more so in my opinion! So to the lovely lady, CONGRATS AGAIN, and I am so incredibly proud of you!!!

So, back to the old grind for me... I am hoping to lose another 10lbs this month, but I need new batteries for my scale. Amazing how previous scales I have owned have held their battery life for years, while this one dies in less than 6 months. I guess that's what happens when you compulsively weigh yourself :P And then your kids think it's fun to weigh themselves as well! Not having the option to weigh myself has created a slight anxiety.... I use the movement of the scale or non- movement to gauge my eating habits and their effectiveness. So right now I fear a stall, but am just praying that when I stand on the scale today (finally getting batteries!) that I see a 16something. I literally cannot remember the last time I saw a 6 after a 1 in my weight. Imagine that?!