Monday, March 14, 2011

Holy Guac!

Holy Guacamole! My body is not cooperating, but I suppose neither is my mind. I have been playing with the same 2 lbs for about 2 weeks now. I can attribute that to a few things.... my period for one, me not following as strict a diet, and possibly stress. But no matter what I choose to blame it on, the fact is, I am STUCK!!! AHHHHHH! So irritating!

I am dying to get under 200lbs. Like 2lbs away dying. I know the difference between 199 and 200 is nearly nothing, but to any weightloss surgery patient, it is enormous psychologically. And I want to be able to say "I did it!".

I also realize that I need to really address my food addiction. The more I think about it (and realize that this surgery is a tool, not a fix) the more I see how simple carbs are everywhere and exactly what I look for when bored, stressed, sad, happy, etc. It's crazy. Last night we went to sushi, and I ate really well. More than my sleeve should have allowed (I had 3 slices of sashimi and 2 pieces of a spicy tuna roll w/ seaweed salad on the outside) which is also scary, but that is another post...... But basically 90% of what went in my mouth was protein, and lucky for me this particular restaurant doesn't use a lot of rice on their sushi rolls. So I come home and from the time dinner ended until the time I went to bed was about 2 hours..... in that 2 hours I contemplated eating one of my new favorite snacks... a square of cheddar and 2 saltines (I break the cheddar to fit the cracker and enjoy). But I literally sat there and thought to myself "this is head hunger, you JUST ATE DINNER! You don't need crackers for goodness sakes! STOP IT!!!!". Thankfully my sanity ruled out my food addiction and I went to bed without eating more. But I am fully aware that this is how to cheat the system and how to waste $10000 and surgery that can save my life. It's really scary to think about!

Today I was good... protein shake, grande non-fat latte,... and then I had some bites of pizza. I swear this office is going to be the death of me. If it's not pizza, it is candy, donuts, cookies, you name it. And as I am able to eat more, the more I have to learn to make a conscious decision to say NO. And it is a lot harder than I thought. Before I had surgery I was told that when they cut out the stretchy part of the stomach, they remove the ghrelin gland that produces the hunger hormone. Well yeah, I think mine must be located elsewhere because I certainly feel hungry a lot! And I was warned by the nurse right before surgery that not everyone stops feeling hungry... I guess I was a lucky one :(

And like weight watchers teaches you, get rid of the bad stuff!!!! Roger had bought some cookie dough and there was a little left over (in a plastic tub) so I will go in the fridge and have a spoonful. Ok yes, I am not eating half a tube like I would have previously, but I am fully aware that cookie dough is not going to help me lose the next 60lbs. So why do I do it?? I don't know. The only answer I can think of is that I am addicted to food. And sadly, unlike drugs or alcohol, it can't be removed from my life completely so I have to learn to manage my triggers and learn how to say no, life is ok without it. Right after surgery I was doing so very well, and to this day, I still make choices to make sure I am getting proteins, liquids, etc in. It just gets harder as I can eat more.

So, alas, I am just trying to stay positive, know that these 2lbs will indeed come off, and I WILL succeed in losing the weight I intend to lose. I think my first step is going to be ordering a Zumba dvd. I tried Taebo the other day but I swear it was the janky version with bad music and the people in the background messing up!!!! LOL. Zumba at least has good music and I can shake what my mama (actually I think it came from my Puerto Rican dad to be honest!) gave me!

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