I'm Alive! I swear!

I received an email today from a woman who had contacted me upon reading my blog.... quite a long time ago!  She was checking in because I hadn't blogged in quite some time.  Yeah... 6 months have flown by!

If I think of the past 6 months I feel like I have been on auto-pilot.  Not a lot of major things have happened.  Life is really, really good.  I am very fortunate to say that.  My kids are healthy, my fiance and I are doing great, my family is all well and healthy.... still loving where we moved and the amazing weather. We haven't been on any huge trips like last year, but it seems like we get a chance to hop around the west coast quite a bit, and have been to Reno, Tahoe, Washington State, the Central Coast.... etc etc etc.  I was very blessed to get to spend lots of time with the kids this summer, and they are learning to swim, which is great.   And I guess the most exciting news is that I have decided to go back to school to get my AA in Paralegal Studies.... something that I find interesting in light of my former custody battle.

But what this blog is really supposed to be about is my life with weight loss surgery.  And unfortunately, it is still a struggle.  I currently weigh anywhere from 153-155lbs depending on the day.  So that is down 90 from my pre-surgery weight, and up 20 from my lowest point.  HOWEVER, due to the fact that I have not been working out, and especially not working out with weight training, I have gone from a size 4 to a size 8-10.  That my friends, is not something to be proud of.

However, with that said, I am happy to say that 155 seems to be my "comfortable" weight.  I eat pretty much what I want, when I want.  I try to make good choices, but still slip up, and I have not been working out regularly.  I just haven't been in the mood.  I am hoping that getting back into a fall school schedule will boost my ambition level.  Afterall, summer was so hectic and I had the kids way more than I do during school so there was always that "Excuse".  But look how cute my excuses are! (we went to an awesome kids amusement park and zoo called Happy Hollow in San Jose, CA.... it's amazing!)

The one thing that I have learned about this process of maintenance is that it NEVER ENDS!  A fact that depresses me quite frankly.  And I feel like weightloss and nutrition are major hot topics everywhere I turn.  My facebook and instagram feeds are bombarded with Beachbody and Shakeology and motivational quotes.  Everyone is going Gluten Free or Paleo, or whatever other fad is in right now.  It drives me NUTS.  But, on the other hand, maybe daily reminders that I need to take responsibility for my own health are what I need.... which is why I haven't blocked any.

I am the queen of excuses.  And I am the first to admit it.  But I am at the point right now to where I don't see any need to give one.  While I am not thrilled with my size, I am a helluva lot smaller than I started.  I have decided that I do not want to spend the rest of my life beating myself up because I am not maintaining a size 4 in clothing.  I would rather enjoy the small things in life, make educated and thought out choices, but also LIVE MY LIFE.

I am still so much happier now that I was before surgery.  And I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to get it.  I still remember the rules: protein first, lots of water, small portions (that's a must for surgery obviously), very low carbs.  And if you want to shrink, you need to exercise. Yup, got that all in check!  But here is where a year of on and off excercise and eating what you want will get you:

That is my reality check.  Which side would I rather look like? The left of course.  Which side is my body "comfortable" at? The right.  And where do I NEVER EVER want to be again....see below.

THAT is the real reality check I suppose.... Me, in Hawaii at I believe 225lbs... something around there.  And the kicker was that I had no idea I looked so large!  I knew I was a big girl, but everyone kept telling me I wasn't THAT big.  Ummmmm yeah. See above.

So I guess the point to all of this is that I am still here, still alive, still struggling, still succeeding, and just living my life the best way that I know how.  One thing is for certain.... I have found the person to see me through the peaks and valleys and who I can say without a doubt is truly the best thing that ever happened to me.

He has shown me love, friendship, and support at my heaviest, my thinnest, and now.  I am a very lucky girl.