Through the Looking Glass

***I have tried to edit the spacing on this like 10x and it is not cooperating so I apologize for the big gaps :(

I know, I know...another post already?! Well I got such a nice comment from the last one that it has inspired/encouraged me to be more regular with my posting. So :P Another thing that happened based on the comment was that I went back and re-read my posts from back in December of last year all the way until recently.

To be honest, my first thought was "wow, I was pretty depressed". I mean, 80% of my posts before, during, and right after surgery were complaining about one thing or another. And while I find that disturbing, it also reinforces my relief/gratitute/and or joy for having had this surgery.

I have truly come a long way from where I was this time last year, both physically and mentally. I feel like I am able to deal with personal issues better (I didn't say "well" I said "BETTER" for those of you who know my troubles). And I am amazed daily by how my physical appearance has changed so drastically.

I have an iPhone that I love dearly. And one of the main reasons that I love it so, is that it takes both videos and photos. I have photos from so many occasions where I "forgot my camera" and I am very grateful for the memories! BUT because I like using it for these two things so very much (along with Facebook... oh geez!) it has been running really slow lately and the only thing I can think of is that I must have too much stuff on it. So, last night on the ride home from the city I decided to start at the beginning of my 1600+ photos and videos and start deleting ones that I didn't need/want to keep. Let's just say the experience was interesting!

I swear every single time I find an old picture of myself pre-surgery that I had forgotten about, I am shocked at how big I was. It is very easy to forget the "old" me. These pictures were taken July 4, 2010. And the one on the left, I thought that was a "good" picture of me. Perhaps because Aidan's leg somewhat cuts off about 1/3 of my body? But oh wait... it reappears on the other side of her. Oy vey! And then the one with both kids, there are no words.... I was just big. And the one thing I ALWAYS think with these pictures is: I look so bloated! Like someone took a hose and inflated me! Nope.... I ate away my stress and unhappiness and in the process ballooned. Again, SO GRATEFUL for this surgery!

Interestingly enough there are days where I fall back into old habits (like inhaling chocolate halloween candies like they are going to disappear) and then days like today, where I am right on track for a good day of food consumption.

I like to start my day with a starbucks non-fat latte, which doesn't help my bank account but it does start my day with a little protein from the milk. And lunch really varies depending on if I have a meeting with a client for lunch, or if I bring it, or if I walk across the way to Mr. Teriyaki (YUM) and enjoy their lunch bento box. I always get the same thing: miso soup, salad, rice (which I pick at, but really don't eat much of), and then double sashimi (salmon usually). The lady who works there knows it's me on the phone as soon as I say "double sashimi". What can I say other than if I eat a regular piece of sushi too fast it comes right back up, so I try not to risk that.
When I bring lunch from home it is generally similar to this. This is about 1/4 a yellow bellpepper, 1/3 a cucumber, and 1 chicken tender, all diced and tossed with lite balsamic vinaigrette. The tender is not the kind from a fast food restaurant, it is the kind you buy at the grocery store and cook yourself :P

I like to eat lunch at my desk because in between bites I can stop and type, look on the net, etc, and let my food settle. Basically it forces me to TAKE MY TIME. And let's just say that trying to eat this during a meal time at a table with nothing else to do... I would stuff myself with about half and be ready to get sick. To this day, I find it hard to slow down and eat and chew and relax. And sometimes I pay the price by praising the porcelain gods. Trying to get better abotu this!

The most important thing I would like to point out is that this meal is essentially perfect (minus the .0000048765847654 tblsp of breadcrumbs on the chicken) because it is a lean protein and fresh veggies. In the past this would have definitely been a "snack" lunch.... I would have been STARVING afterwards. Now I can eat this and be totally satisfied. I still have about half left right now and am starting to feel full which is a sign I should probably be saving the remainder for later on. It just amazes me how different life is now.

Another thing that amazes me is how time just flies on by. While life is happening, it feels so slow, yet you blink and all of the sudden years have passed! Yesterday Aidan turned 4. I cannot believe how much she has grown and matured. She is such a little lady now! She went through a tough patch around the wedding but since then has improved her attitude 99% and is so indredibly smart and beautiful. She reminds me of myself! :P Just kidding... sort of! I was very similar to Aidan personality wise as a child.... I thought I was 4 going on 25, and that definitely described my daugher also! In addition she adores reading, art, and all things girlie. Oh and she has a sassy little mouth that a) you want to wash out from times but b) reminds you of just how intelligent she is so it's hard to stay mad for long! I always wanted a daughter and was thrilled when I found out she was a girl. I am so blessed to have such a special girl as my said wanted daugher! This post made me take a walk down memory lane. Aidan went from a little baldie to a little blondie and just gets more and more beautiful.

age 1age2age 3age4

And a picture of mama & the big 4 year old with our adorable piggy cupcakes that she made to bring to school!

Amazing how she has changed and how I have changed. When she turned 1, I had just discovered that I was pregnant with Benjamin. When she turned 3 I was nearly at my heaviest weight ( my surgiversary is Dec 28). And now we are both doing awesome! Hoping the piggy cupcakes were a hit at school today!