Where do I even begin with this blog?? There is so much to say but the main point is that those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Let me also start with WHY I write my blog. I heard that some people believe that only egotistical people write blogs. Well, I have one thing to say about this... well no, I have 2. The first thing is that if I am blogging and egotistical, Why are you reading my blog???? The second is that the reasons I write are: a) it is a journal for me to remember my journey. I recently reread all of my entries, and I have changed so much since day 1 of writing. b) it is a chance for strangers who have had, or are thinking about having weightloss surgery to understand my journey, to compare their experiences, or to be empowered to start their journey. I have gotten numerous emails of random people thanking me for writing.
And the biggest "thank you" starts with "THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY". And this comment is probably the nicest one that I could ever ask for. You see, I have absolutely no hesitation in being an open book. This blog is public for a reason. I am not ashamed of any decision I have made with or in my life. And despite the positive responses, I have also been hearing some "gossip" that is going on behind my back about my life and my blog. So I am going to pointedly address these issues in order to clarify.
Let's start with family ties. You see, blood is supposed to be thicker than water. I grew up in a very nice family. I would say my childhood was far happier than a lot of people's. My mother was a single mother until I was around 8 and we lived with my grandparents which was probably one of her best decisions because we lived in a very warm and cozy home (that very same house where all holidays and birthdays are spent : )). And when she married my stepdad I was again so blessed to be given a stepdad who I don't consider a "step", just a dad. He is an amazing man. I also was fortunate to grow up with plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins and just generally.... I have a great family!
I would also like to add that my Grandma (the one who is in the hospital) is an amazing woman. She was my second mom. I love her. And I am really blessed to have a mother who would a) not only do anything for me as her daughter, but has truly devoted her life to caring for my grandma for the past 15+ years (she has been wheelchair bound since her stroke that long ago). She has 3 siblings, some that live far away, and another who lives close by, but none do a milimeter as much as my mom does. And I think that deep down they know that. Some try their best to help and others choose to be so self absorbed that they don't visit in nearly a year or have the decency to call her on Thanksgiving (while in the hospital mind you). But yet all seem to have a whole lot to say about my grandma's care. I would honestly love for them to spend just a week in my mother's shoes. Caring for my grandma is a ton of work, so although my mom may not get to work until 11am, she certainly isn't lounging in bed until then. Instead she is going to the pharmacy, answering the 45th phone call because my grandma is INSISTING that she MUST get orange juice for breakfast, visitng the hospital, shuttling my brothers to school, packing lunches, doing laundry, etc etc etc. Oh, did I mention she runs her own business on top of all of that. Again.... those in glass houses, whose houses are a helluva lot smaller, shouldn't throw stones.....
But as time has gone by (and the tone of this blog unfortunately), I feel like our family has splintered. Divisions have formed, and in my opinion some family members have become overcome with bitterness and contempt. Well folks, I have one thing to say: If you are over the age of 18, that makes you an adult. It makes you liable for your own actions. You cannot live life BLAMING others. You cannot accuse others of "destroying" your life. Your life is the way it is because of your own choices, and if you are in a space in life that you don't like, change it. I hated being 245lbs. Yeah I complained a lot... and then I realized that I was that way because of my own issues and choices in life. And then I CHOSE to CHANGE.
That change has made me a better person, I believe. I spend a lot less time worrying about others' faults, and what I am not getting from them. I spend more time worrying about myself and what I can do to help others. I spend more time worrying about my healthy. I am doing better at work. Sadly, my marriage failed, but you know what.... no relationship is perfect. No one can sit there and say that their marriage is 100% hunky dory. Even if your marriage has lasted for 40 years, I am sure that there have been bumps in the road.
Someone said that I must've married Roger for a father figure. Ummm no. Or ummm Maybe? I don't really know. But if marrying someone simply to satisy a "weakness" or "emotional issue" is the answer does that mean that someone who is REALLY jacked up marries a therapist for free sessions??? Or should my next husband be a personal trainer because now that's what I really need??? I think not. We SHOULD be marrying for love (at least in Western belief) and I knwo that my relationship was and is very difficult to understand for friends and family but often times relationships are only decipherable by those who are living them. As the saying goes, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And I could spend days talking bad about Roger, and at times have, but there are also 100 wonderful things I could say about him as a father, as a husband and as a person. We don't hate each other, we are just not meant to be married.
Also on that note, I want to say something about family in general. If you want to BE part of a family, you have to participate. You have to make an effort. Any relationship works that way. The friends I see most or am closest to.... we are that way because we both make an effort to be a part of each others lives. We both help each other in times of need. We both offer a shoulder to cry on or to lean on. We also offer encouragement. We don't sit there and criticize each other or others and we enjoy each other's company. Sure, I have friends whose decisions I don't agree with, but I like them as a person. And I respect them enough to tell them to their face that I don't agree with their choices, but just because of that, it doesn't mean we can't be friends. In fact, in a lot of ways, being friends with people who have different views than my own enlightens me and broadens my own horizons, even if my choices are different.
You see, I don't live in a "dream world". I didn't get married "for a dream wedding" (trust me, a dream wedding would have been free!). I also didn't get married for a father figure. I love my family and my children. I write my blog not for my ego, but to share and record. I also write it with transparency... I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. And if people reading this are too ashamed to a) admit they read this or b) confront me about issues in my life that they feel the need to gossip about, then I truly feel sorry for them. I hope that one day they will find peace in their own relationships, both marriages and family ones to be honest with themselves and realize that their own houses are glass, and there is plenty that I could say to hurt them or criticize, but I won't.
Life is about love, it is about learning, it is about forgiviness. And it is about being the best YOU (or me in this case) that you can be. I wish people would remember this instead of spending their lives doing the opposite. I realize that this post was somewhat negative which was not my intention but just know that in Roger's words "Just realize that if you are talking about someone behind their back, they are talking about you just the same".... and in my own words: The truth shall be revealed.