Beauty is only Skin Deep

Whew what a morning! Today I got the web files of our wedding photos. They are absolutely incredible!!!! Originally Barbara, my photographer, had linked us to a website where we could see proofs and order online. It was ok.... but as I was flicking through the photos I wasn't drawn to ANY of them. :( This reaction was the polar opposite of my reaction to our wedding fusion video. If you haven't seen it, it's worth checking out!

http://vimeo.com/27279099

When I told Barb I didn't like the viewing website, she was kind enough to link me to her web pics and I felt like kissing her! There are so many amazing pictures, I can't decide which I like best!

Seeing all of these pictures, I definitely feel beautiful! They are gorgeous images and I can barely believe that I am looking at myself. Especially in ones like this:

photos courtesy of Y Studio Photography

But having surgery and losing all of this weight has not only changed my exterior, I truly believe that it has changed my interior. Not 100%.... I am still sassy and strong like I have been since birth. But I am also HAPPY now! And that happiness radiates into many aspects of my life including dealing with my children (which, I might add can be the most challenging thing I have ever dealt with!), dealing with my husband, dealing with clients and coworkers and even strangers. I just FEEL so much better!!! And also, self confidence is up, meaning that I am sure I present myself differently. I'd be curious to be an outsider looking in.

Another thing that I would like to mention is confidence. Roger told me this morning how proud of me he is. Awwwww, right?! Yes he is a sweetheart, but he also knows that I tend to be a quitter when it comes to most things. Some people stare opposition down in the face.... and others tuck their tail btwn their legs and run. Unless it's verbal sparring (which I might add I am very good at!), I fall into the "others" category. I see trouble and I hightail it outta there. That's all fine and dandy, but I am quickly learning that as an adult, 95% of situations demand action and running away is NOT an option. Hmph.

But where I am going with this is that when I decided to have weightloss surgery there was a part of me that truly feared failure. I knew that NOT losing weight was impossible. I mean, hello, you can't eat more than a few ounces at a time. BUT, I also knew that if I ate a ton of carbs, and didn't exercise, and didn't follow the plan, that my weightloss would not reach goal. Roger told me about his cousin who had gastric bypass surgery some years ago, and how she lost like 50lbs and kind of gave up. She was happy to have lost the 50 so she just went back to old habits. I will admit that "story" made me think of myself. Would I do the same??? Would I just be grateful for whatever loss I was granted without having to work at it and give up???

The answer is no. Probably because I fear regain so much, but I am still pushing for more and more weightloss. I am officially 150 as of this morning so that means I have 25 more lbs to lose until I reach my doctor's goal weight for me: 125lbs. I would like to add that his initial goal weight was 145 lbs (ehem which I am 5 away from!), but after we had a serious chat about my weightloss pace and then the next month I showed up 15lbs lighter.... he upped the ante. The reason being that with ANY weightloss patient there is about a 10-15lb flux from their lowest weight. So I suppose I shouldn't plan on being 125 for long. BUT, with that flux I still fall into a very healthy weight range. I get his thinking. And I would LOVE to be 125 lbs!

Let me be the first to tell you that I have periods where I do "give up" and eat what I want. What I am noticing however, is that my body is getting more and more mad at me when I do that. It sucks to feel sick, but I am very grateful because it certainly makes me think twice about eating ice cream or high carb foods, that's for sure! After the wedding I got into a little rut of MAJOR snacking before bed. HORRIBLE habit! Super horrible actually. So I was stuck at 155-156 for a good 3 weeks. I went into work on Tuesday and my boss commented that I looked smaller. Hmmm. Nope hadn't lost weight.

Well, I should call her the weight loss whisperer because on Tuesday I weighed 154.6. This morning I weigh 150.4. That is 4lbs in 3 days. It's great, but to be honest, it also scares me. Because in my experience, rapid weightloss for me means that my body is freaking out which leads me to what this post was intended to be about: my hair and skin.

The other day a friend messaged me after reading my blog and asked me how my skin and hair have fared since surgery. An interesting question because it is well known in the weightloss world that rapid weight loss and a reduction of normal nutrients causes hairloss. Skin suffers just like hair does in my opinion. HOWEVER: I have been very very blessed in both categories!

I have always had very thick hair and mostly clear skin. In fact I have regularly gotten compliments in both categories. Here is me right after having Benjamin... no makeup and my hair is NOT did:

As you can see my skin looks healthy as does my hair. My only issue is my dark circles but those are hereditary so what can you do?!

And I feel like since surgery not a lot has changed. I shed like crazy all the time (ask Roger who dreads seeing the hairs that line the floorboards if we don't sweep or mop them up daily). So I wasn't exactly traumatized after surgery. I felt like the hairloss was right in line with before surgery. BUT, when I dropped 15lbs in a month, I did notice a change. I would run my fingers through my hair and come up with a handful. Eeks. SCARY!!!! I did not want to be bald. In fact, I'd rather be fat than bald to be honest. So after I noticed how much I was losing, I promised myself to really concentrate on taking my vitamins and getting my protein in. And I am certainly not perfect about it, but I am BETTER... and that's all that I can ask of myself at the moment!

My skin on the other hand is pretty much the same. I break out on my chin every now and again, but I feel like I look healthy and happy. I haven't noticed dry skin or more wrinkles or anything. But I also eat foods with oils and such that improve skin quality. I was worried right after surgery because I was on liquids and a low low calorie diet with ZERO fat intake. It's true what they say that healthy fats are essential! But overall I'd give the skin change rating a 0. Hair, maybe a 5.

Here is me at work yesterday:

Granted, my hair is curled and my makeup is done, but it is pretty similar to the "before"....just a little thinner on the hair side, and my hairstylist commented that the hairs are actually finer than before. Weird.

Summing this up is kind of strange because I started with beauty on the inside being more important but yet ending with exterior info. Perhaps the answer is it's great to look beautiful but even more important to FEEL beautiful! :)