Easter was a big jackpot to my self esteem this year. I am down 57 lbs as of today and I feel absolutely fantastic! This Easter I wasn't looking in my closet at all of the stuff that doesn't fit but that I would love to wear... instead I busted out with a new dress ($7 steal at TJ MAXX!) that I had been dying to wear, and felt like $1mil!
When I got to church, my aunt said that she didn't even recognize me! When I got to my Grandma's house for lunch, she just kept pointing out how much weight I have lost, and saying "Ay ya yay!" (those of you who know my Grandma know that the inflection in the ay ya yay determines what she is trying to say!), and even looked at Roger expectantly like..."I hope you see how hot she is getting!", my uncle in Cincinnati told me I look like a model (laying it on thick, but God Bless him!), and even my mother, who is not free flowing with compliments acknowledged that a) my dress was beautiful and b) I looked great! So YAY!
But this post is actually inspired by my visit to the gym tonight, and I am so inspired that although it is 10:30pm and I still have to shower and go to bed before the kids start calling in the middle of the night, I am writing this post.
Reasons I love my sleeve:
1. The most obvious reason: WEIGHT LOSS! I have shed 57lbs in not quite 4 months. Yes it has been challenging at times, but more often than not, it's fairly simple... eat slowly, and not so much!
2. The sleeve has given me a new found love for exercise. As a 245lb person, it is very hard to move. I'd go 5 minutes on the elliptical and want to die. I'd give up 15 mins in and say, "eh, I'll start another day". I'd look in the mirror and be disgusted with what I saw. And I would know that unless I was super strict on diet, my sweaty, hard, workout would do nothing for me as far as weightloss. With the sleeve, I work out moderately for 30-45 mins and I am down a pound the next morning! Talk about gratifying!!!! Also, because I have been able to drop over 50 lbs, I LIKE what I see in the mirror (for the most part!) and I am able to exert myself much more then previously. I actually look forward to Zumba, look forward to the elliptical, and I have a yearning to go to the gym, even after a long day with the kids. Never ever did I think I would say "I LIKE WORKING OUT!".
3. a) The sleeve not only transforms your body, it transforms your mind. This is a two-fold thing. The first is that my mind is now changing about myself. My self confidence is up. My enthusiasm for life is stronger. I am excited. I am generally happier as a person. All thanks to my sleeve and what is has done for me.
b) the sleeve has transformed my mind and how I view food and portion sizes. I am no longer afraid to throw food away like I used to be. I can eat something and if I know that I am full (which the sleeve will BLATANTLY tell me!) and I keep picking at it, I will just take it and throw the entire thing in the trash. Wham, done. This horrifies certain members of my family, which reinforces my food issues to begin with (and not that they are intentionally harmful ideas, it's just been passed down). How many times was I encouraged to be a part of the "clean platers club" or "don't waste that!". Well the clean platers club got me to almost 250lbs, and I am NEVER EVER going back there! I even made a comment to a family member who said how I was wasting food that "That's why we're fat". Oops, but it's true! It is important to know your true hunger levels.
4. And on that note, my sleeve has made me stop and identify "head hunger" or careless eating. I now focus on everything I eat. No, not all of it is good for me still, but I have a constant monitor about how much protein I am consuming and if I am drinking water, etc. Before, I didn't give a hollyhey about how many carbs I was consuming.... I thought Atkins was for the birds. Well folks, it sucks, but it WORKS! And thanks to my sleeve, I can stick with the plan to the best of my ability because I feel FULL, and I see RESULTS!!!
5. My sleeve gave me my relationship back. Granted, we have had some major issues the past years, both my fault and his, but a big chunk of our issues stemmed from me being overweight and unhappy with myself. How can you be a happy mom or partner when you hate how you look and feel each day? Each day I lose more weight and gain wattage to my smile... I have a whole new lease on life and on my little family. So much so that we are tying the knot July 30, 2011.
I am sure that I can think of 100 other reasons of why I am so glad and grateful that I was able to have my surgery. I am part of online groups of other weight loss surgery survivors who feel the same as me, and I would STRONGLY encourage anyone who has a BMI over 40 to look into it. There are so many things we struggle with in life, why not take one off the list and alleviate the fight against genetics and food addiction if we can?? Roger said it best when he mentioned that medical science is a real life "miracle". God has created tools for us to USE! Don't fear the unknown, embrace it, and that's exactly what I am doing. Embracing this new, thin, fantastic life that I am so lucky to have. :)
Can you tell I am really frickin HAPPY tonight?!!!!!