The sun isn't really shining, but inside of me it SO is! Things have gotten so much better since my last post. I have been feeling good physically and understanding my limits more. However I do notice that if I eat something that my body says "no" to... watch out.
I attended a Chamber of Commerce Annual Dinner last night and I took about 4 bites of salmon with a few bites of asparagus. NOT GOOD! I ended up going to the restroom, barfing. Then I excused myself due to a stomach ache, and when I got to my car I barfed. I figured it was safe to drive home since I felt a little better. Made a phone call and chatted all the way home... almost. Once I exited the freeway I had an immediate urge to vomit. And thank GOD I happened to have a plastic shopping bag in my front seat. I just got violently ill about 4-5 times. Apparently salmon and asparagus are not a good choice for me at the moment!
On the weight front, I am officially 1 size smaller in clothing! And down a total of 26lbs. 26lbs in one month! I feel like I am dreaming this. I lost around 30 lbs 5 or so years ago and it took me about 4-6 months. That was with constant exercise and watching what I eat. I've said it before and I will say it again, it is amazing what a little protein infused starvation will do for you!
The other interesting thing is where I am losing the most weight. My waist has shrunk some, but my "pooch" remains. My thighs are really noticeably shrinking which is weird because I would definitely consider them my biggest problem area. And my arms still have a long way to shrink! I am getting concerned with how the extra skin on my stomach will look because as of right now it is really ugly.
Another development is somehow Roger has conned me into attempting the LA Marathon with him. I am WALKING it.... or at least attempting to. I think that he doesn't grasp how hard it will be for me, but hey, if I can at least try, why not? We leave on Friday night and will be staying in Pasadena. At least it is a good chance to get away, and hopefully to some warm weather! Perhaps where the sun is literally shining ; )
Workwise, I am doing well with numbers but my boss is in a tizzy over everything it seems. We have all come to wonder what it is she does all day in her office because she has lately been giving us all tasks that she used to do. Like thinking of themes for sales blitzes and getting decor. Seriously?! As if I am not busy enough that's another baloney thing I have to do. Thankfully my date isn't until March. Grrrr.
Looking very forward to the beginning of February, my birthday on the 10th and then V-Day! I have 3 valentines who all need some lovin! And hopeful to see another 15-20lbs gone forever!!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Half & Half
I was trying to think of a creative title for this post because I am half happy, half discouraged with life.
Happy things first:
My clothes are looser! Although I have held pretty steady with a 20lb loss, I am apparently shrinking, and ironically it is in the thigh area! WOOHOO!!!! My stomach isn't shrinking much which my guess is thanks to my baby boy who stretched my skin out to no end. But hey, no complaints there when I can fit comfortably into pants that I haven't worn in months!
I have been trying to eat new things and kind of seeing where it goes and to date haven't had many bad reactions. Except yesterday I tried crab. I am not sure if I ate it too fast or if my body simply said no but I threw up 6+ times and my stomach hurt for over an hour. Normally when I get sick off food, I throw up once or twice and feel better almost immediately. This time, not so much. So crab is on the "do not eat" list for a bit. I did also have sashimi (tuna and salmon) and 1 piece of a spicy tuna roll. YUM!!!!!! And high in protein.
Also, the weather here has been GORGEOUS! High 60s yesterday and we walked to the park with the kids so I got some exercise finally. And lots of it because Benjamin was running all over the place. He is a crazy one, that kid!
Oh and recently a very very good friend of mine got engaged, and she is getting married at Harding Park! That was my very first "wedding planner" job so I know the property well and the ways to avoid wedding pitfalls there. I also offered my services on contacting vendors because thanks to NACE I now know a lot of people in the industry. Plus I love my friend and want her to have the wedding of her dreams!!!! So YAY for Joannah and Chris!
Lastly, 2 of my cousins born on the same day of the same year were diagnosed with cancer within a year. BOTH are now cancer free! I cannot tell you how amazing this news is. It is crushing to hear that a) those close to you who you love have cancer but b) that it is happening to 2 young women who are both incredibly bright, beautiful, and loving. So to hear that they are both doing well is amazing. This morning has been wonderful in the news department!
And now the bummers:
First of all my weight loss has been stuck for about a week now. That blows. But like I said, I am shrinking. So not too much of a complaint. I figure that at some point I have to start loosing again because I am only consuming 6-800 calories a day if that. I am putting myself back on a primarily liquid diet today and really focusing on getting in my water because I have noticed that when I eat, I drink a lot less. And I have been told numerous times that if I want to lose weight I need to drink tons of water and up my protein intake. So.. back to square 1. This time I don't mind as much because I have seen results and I want to see more!
Another issue I am dealing with is Roger thinking that he knows everything about bariatric surgery because his cousin who lives 2500 miles away had gastric bypass surgery 5-6 years ago, lost 50lbs and kind of gave up. Oh and I can't forget his dear friend Shelly (think "My Best Friend's Wedding" where the girl figures that at some point she and her guy best friend will get married one day bc they are both still single... yeah she didn't figure a feisty brunette and 2 kids would ever enter the picture) had gastric bypass 5-6 yrs ago and although she has lost at least 100 lbs has gained some back and occasionally eats at fast food places. Anyhow, last night we got into it because I said "The one thing I miss most since having the surgery is Diet Pepsi". It's true. I was a Diet Pepsi addict. I love the flavor and more than anything I love the bubbles! But because of the sleeve carbonation supposedly hurts like holy hell and I am not willing to test that theory out! So he went on a rampage about how I obviously have not tackled the emotional aspects of weight loss surgery and I should hate diet pepsi because it made me the way I was and I am trying to change, yada yada yada. When exactly he got his PhD I am not sure, but listening to a 139lb, 6ft tall, anorexic man tell me about weight loss psychology just made me want to punch him in his nose. It just reminded me that in life there are few people who can simply listen to you without judgement. So, if you are my friend and we have had discussions about life by simply listening to each other... THANK YOU! I need people like that.
So this entire discussion turned ugly but also made me question whether or not I am going to succeed. I feel like he is always there waiting for me to fail rather than building me up. It's like when you tell someone you're on a diet and you reach for a cookie and they say "you can't have that". I know they care and want to help but pointing out everything you can't have certainly doesn't make you want to eat better. And chances are in life, you will eat a cookie at some point. But to be able to take a small bite of a cookie as opposed to eating the entire bag like you used to.... to me that is progress! To him it's an alcoholic having a sip of a cocktail. I don't know who is right, but I do know that in life I will at times take a bite of something that isn't all protein. It's just really frustrating.
*** My mom did not feel comfortable with me talking about her on my blog so I have deleted a paragraph. I stand by my original post, but respect my mom's wishes. So that's that.
Alas, that is my update. I'm at work and debating on if I want to work today! haha. I really should get focused and get moving!
Happy things first:
My clothes are looser! Although I have held pretty steady with a 20lb loss, I am apparently shrinking, and ironically it is in the thigh area! WOOHOO!!!! My stomach isn't shrinking much which my guess is thanks to my baby boy who stretched my skin out to no end. But hey, no complaints there when I can fit comfortably into pants that I haven't worn in months!
I have been trying to eat new things and kind of seeing where it goes and to date haven't had many bad reactions. Except yesterday I tried crab. I am not sure if I ate it too fast or if my body simply said no but I threw up 6+ times and my stomach hurt for over an hour. Normally when I get sick off food, I throw up once or twice and feel better almost immediately. This time, not so much. So crab is on the "do not eat" list for a bit. I did also have sashimi (tuna and salmon) and 1 piece of a spicy tuna roll. YUM!!!!!! And high in protein.
Also, the weather here has been GORGEOUS! High 60s yesterday and we walked to the park with the kids so I got some exercise finally. And lots of it because Benjamin was running all over the place. He is a crazy one, that kid!
Oh and recently a very very good friend of mine got engaged, and she is getting married at Harding Park! That was my very first "wedding planner" job so I know the property well and the ways to avoid wedding pitfalls there. I also offered my services on contacting vendors because thanks to NACE I now know a lot of people in the industry. Plus I love my friend and want her to have the wedding of her dreams!!!! So YAY for Joannah and Chris!
Lastly, 2 of my cousins born on the same day of the same year were diagnosed with cancer within a year. BOTH are now cancer free! I cannot tell you how amazing this news is. It is crushing to hear that a) those close to you who you love have cancer but b) that it is happening to 2 young women who are both incredibly bright, beautiful, and loving. So to hear that they are both doing well is amazing. This morning has been wonderful in the news department!
And now the bummers:
First of all my weight loss has been stuck for about a week now. That blows. But like I said, I am shrinking. So not too much of a complaint. I figure that at some point I have to start loosing again because I am only consuming 6-800 calories a day if that. I am putting myself back on a primarily liquid diet today and really focusing on getting in my water because I have noticed that when I eat, I drink a lot less. And I have been told numerous times that if I want to lose weight I need to drink tons of water and up my protein intake. So.. back to square 1. This time I don't mind as much because I have seen results and I want to see more!
Another issue I am dealing with is Roger thinking that he knows everything about bariatric surgery because his cousin who lives 2500 miles away had gastric bypass surgery 5-6 years ago, lost 50lbs and kind of gave up. Oh and I can't forget his dear friend Shelly (think "My Best Friend's Wedding" where the girl figures that at some point she and her guy best friend will get married one day bc they are both still single... yeah she didn't figure a feisty brunette and 2 kids would ever enter the picture) had gastric bypass 5-6 yrs ago and although she has lost at least 100 lbs has gained some back and occasionally eats at fast food places. Anyhow, last night we got into it because I said "The one thing I miss most since having the surgery is Diet Pepsi". It's true. I was a Diet Pepsi addict. I love the flavor and more than anything I love the bubbles! But because of the sleeve carbonation supposedly hurts like holy hell and I am not willing to test that theory out! So he went on a rampage about how I obviously have not tackled the emotional aspects of weight loss surgery and I should hate diet pepsi because it made me the way I was and I am trying to change, yada yada yada. When exactly he got his PhD I am not sure, but listening to a 139lb, 6ft tall, anorexic man tell me about weight loss psychology just made me want to punch him in his nose. It just reminded me that in life there are few people who can simply listen to you without judgement. So, if you are my friend and we have had discussions about life by simply listening to each other... THANK YOU! I need people like that.
So this entire discussion turned ugly but also made me question whether or not I am going to succeed. I feel like he is always there waiting for me to fail rather than building me up. It's like when you tell someone you're on a diet and you reach for a cookie and they say "you can't have that". I know they care and want to help but pointing out everything you can't have certainly doesn't make you want to eat better. And chances are in life, you will eat a cookie at some point. But to be able to take a small bite of a cookie as opposed to eating the entire bag like you used to.... to me that is progress! To him it's an alcoholic having a sip of a cocktail. I don't know who is right, but I do know that in life I will at times take a bite of something that isn't all protein. It's just really frustrating.
*** My mom did not feel comfortable with me talking about her on my blog so I have deleted a paragraph. I stand by my original post, but respect my mom's wishes. So that's that.
Alas, that is my update. I'm at work and debating on if I want to work today! haha. I really should get focused and get moving!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
What the hell was I thinking?
This is my main thought today in regards to getting the surgery. I didn't think I would ever cry about my loss of food, but low and behold I am right about there today.
I received another free meal today (and threw it up about 5 bites in) and thus my children have been having delicious dinners. And I find myself getting unnecessarily angry when they don't eat or play with their food because I feel like it should have been MY meal that they are wasting, and that they don't understand what I would give in order to be able to eat it. I know it is irrational but take away the ability to eat more than a bite and it becomes extremely frustrating.
I have also stalled completely on my weightloss... even gained back 1lb. I know it's 1lb but it is still frustrating. I didn't cut off my stomach, give up my ability to enjoy a meal, and drink liquids for 17 days in order to gain a pound. It is just REALLY incredibly frustrating.
It doesn't help that Roger has no concept of what I am going through. He weighed 139 lbs the other day. He is 5ft 11in. That's not normal, right???? He has been through a lot of stress lately with the new job, me being moody, dealing with kids and shuttling, etc. And in all of those situations, I would eat my way happy. He just forgets to eat. Last night I gave the family my spaghetti with meatballs meal that I was unable to eat and his portion was so small! In my opinion he ate about the size of a very small kids meal and didn't even finish an entire meatball. Had I gotten the meal pre-surgery he wouldn't have had a chance to eat a meatball!!!
Things on the work front have been stressful for me the past few weeks as well. I have been handling two sales markets which means my goals are higher and I have twice the work. It has been good to be busy, but it sucks because now the new girl came in and my boss is giving her all of the credit for the stuff in her new market that I have been working towards. Literally 10 contracts have been sent out the past week or so that I will get zero credit for.
And home life.... well, it has been crazy to say the least. The past 2 weeks we barely saw Benjamin and Aidan needs a MAJOR attitude adjustment. That is really an understatement. She is rude to us, yells "NO!" when we ask her to do something, spits, sticks out her tongue, hits her brother... the list is unending. I really feel at a loss because I am constantly raising my voice, telling her to stop doing something, smacking her hand. It really really sucks.
Again all I can think about is the small container of food that I wish I could eat right now. Despite the fact that I am trying really hard to let the food in my stomach sit so that I don't barf it all up. Thinking I made a crappy decision right about now. 20lbs isn't worth this.
I received another free meal today (and threw it up about 5 bites in) and thus my children have been having delicious dinners. And I find myself getting unnecessarily angry when they don't eat or play with their food because I feel like it should have been MY meal that they are wasting, and that they don't understand what I would give in order to be able to eat it. I know it is irrational but take away the ability to eat more than a bite and it becomes extremely frustrating.
I have also stalled completely on my weightloss... even gained back 1lb. I know it's 1lb but it is still frustrating. I didn't cut off my stomach, give up my ability to enjoy a meal, and drink liquids for 17 days in order to gain a pound. It is just REALLY incredibly frustrating.
It doesn't help that Roger has no concept of what I am going through. He weighed 139 lbs the other day. He is 5ft 11in. That's not normal, right???? He has been through a lot of stress lately with the new job, me being moody, dealing with kids and shuttling, etc. And in all of those situations, I would eat my way happy. He just forgets to eat. Last night I gave the family my spaghetti with meatballs meal that I was unable to eat and his portion was so small! In my opinion he ate about the size of a very small kids meal and didn't even finish an entire meatball. Had I gotten the meal pre-surgery he wouldn't have had a chance to eat a meatball!!!
Things on the work front have been stressful for me the past few weeks as well. I have been handling two sales markets which means my goals are higher and I have twice the work. It has been good to be busy, but it sucks because now the new girl came in and my boss is giving her all of the credit for the stuff in her new market that I have been working towards. Literally 10 contracts have been sent out the past week or so that I will get zero credit for.
And home life.... well, it has been crazy to say the least. The past 2 weeks we barely saw Benjamin and Aidan needs a MAJOR attitude adjustment. That is really an understatement. She is rude to us, yells "NO!" when we ask her to do something, spits, sticks out her tongue, hits her brother... the list is unending. I really feel at a loss because I am constantly raising my voice, telling her to stop doing something, smacking her hand. It really really sucks.
Again all I can think about is the small container of food that I wish I could eat right now. Despite the fact that I am trying really hard to let the food in my stomach sit so that I don't barf it all up. Thinking I made a crappy decision right about now. 20lbs isn't worth this.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Learning Limits
This surgery has changed my life completely. But it hasn't yet changed my relationship with food. I still see food and dream of the taste, and want to eat it in bulk. As you can imagine this is a big problem with a 2oz stomach.
I tried eating a handful of goldfish a few days ago. They came up about 10 minutes later. I also tried eating a few bites of chicken at work... yeah that came up too. But I have kept trying certain foods just to test what I can eat. Yogurt is not cutting it!
I have been fearing my work managers outing because I knew that I wouldn't be able to eat my meal properly. And thus I pre-ordered steak thinking I could just nibble on the potatoes, push the steak around, and call it a day. Well, we went to Campo di Bocce today in Livermore and it was just heaven on a plate! I ended up ordering spaghetti with meatballs and meat sauce because I have been able to keep down a few bites of pasta, and then I did try a little meat sauce from my mom's lasagna the other day.
We got to the restaurant and although I was DYING to order a diet coke, I ordered cranberry juice (I was just thinking something other than water and I don't like iced tea.... didn't drink the juice, it was gross). I nibbled (and I mean NIBBLED like little tiny pieces) an airy piece of french bread dipped in balsamic vinegar. I was THRILLED when it went down without issue. I passed on salad bc I know I am definitely not ready for leafy greens, and when my meal came, I cut up 1 meatball and smushed it into the meat sauce and nibbled on that. Because I was really aware of others eating a full meal, I ended up eating slowly as my doctor recommended. Low and behold.... NO BARF!!!!! I couldn't believe it!
But I would like to add that my "lack of appetite" was noticeable. My GM looked at me and said "don't you like your meal??" and my quick thinking coworkers who know I had the surgery just said to him "Oh you should see the other side with a big dent in it!". Whew. I wound up taking home 95% of my meal, a salad, and dessert. Which meant we had dinner tonight!!!!
Tonight I tried eating the meat sauce again. Up it came. And I have learned that I eat WAY TOO FAST which is why I keep regurgitating my food. A gross but interesting fact is that throwing up now doesn't phase me. It's as if you open your mouth and food just falls out. And even grosser is that it is completely undigested and looks like it did on the way in. Ew. My kids are very crazy in the evening and dinner time is really stressful so I noticed that I was just shoveling food in. So I paid the price.
Later on this evening after my stomach had calmed down, I attempted to eat a chickenless nugget. Yeah that didn't go well either. So I think I am done eating for today. Sigh sigh sigh. I am going to wrap up the evening with some ice water that I owe my body.
My little chuckle of the evening is "my eyes are bigger than my stomach". I don't know how much eyes weigh but if they are over 2oz they ARE bigger than my stomach : P
On the homefront things are ok. Aidan is under the weather and driving us nuts. Benji is adorable and really coming into his own. We also were able to extend our lease to month to month which is wonderful because we have lots of "what if"s right now.
I tried eating a handful of goldfish a few days ago. They came up about 10 minutes later. I also tried eating a few bites of chicken at work... yeah that came up too. But I have kept trying certain foods just to test what I can eat. Yogurt is not cutting it!
I have been fearing my work managers outing because I knew that I wouldn't be able to eat my meal properly. And thus I pre-ordered steak thinking I could just nibble on the potatoes, push the steak around, and call it a day. Well, we went to Campo di Bocce today in Livermore and it was just heaven on a plate! I ended up ordering spaghetti with meatballs and meat sauce because I have been able to keep down a few bites of pasta, and then I did try a little meat sauce from my mom's lasagna the other day.
We got to the restaurant and although I was DYING to order a diet coke, I ordered cranberry juice (I was just thinking something other than water and I don't like iced tea.... didn't drink the juice, it was gross). I nibbled (and I mean NIBBLED like little tiny pieces) an airy piece of french bread dipped in balsamic vinegar. I was THRILLED when it went down without issue. I passed on salad bc I know I am definitely not ready for leafy greens, and when my meal came, I cut up 1 meatball and smushed it into the meat sauce and nibbled on that. Because I was really aware of others eating a full meal, I ended up eating slowly as my doctor recommended. Low and behold.... NO BARF!!!!! I couldn't believe it!
But I would like to add that my "lack of appetite" was noticeable. My GM looked at me and said "don't you like your meal??" and my quick thinking coworkers who know I had the surgery just said to him "Oh you should see the other side with a big dent in it!". Whew. I wound up taking home 95% of my meal, a salad, and dessert. Which meant we had dinner tonight!!!!
Tonight I tried eating the meat sauce again. Up it came. And I have learned that I eat WAY TOO FAST which is why I keep regurgitating my food. A gross but interesting fact is that throwing up now doesn't phase me. It's as if you open your mouth and food just falls out. And even grosser is that it is completely undigested and looks like it did on the way in. Ew. My kids are very crazy in the evening and dinner time is really stressful so I noticed that I was just shoveling food in. So I paid the price.
Later on this evening after my stomach had calmed down, I attempted to eat a chickenless nugget. Yeah that didn't go well either. So I think I am done eating for today. Sigh sigh sigh. I am going to wrap up the evening with some ice water that I owe my body.
My little chuckle of the evening is "my eyes are bigger than my stomach". I don't know how much eyes weigh but if they are over 2oz they ARE bigger than my stomach : P
On the homefront things are ok. Aidan is under the weather and driving us nuts. Benji is adorable and really coming into his own. We also were able to extend our lease to month to month which is wonderful because we have lots of "what if"s right now.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Learning Curve
I should really title this "MY learning curve" because really it pertains to how each day I learn something new about my stomach's capabilities. Since being allowed to have "mushies" I have taken a few bites of not so great things. For example, a coworker brought in some homemade mac n cheese, so I had a noodle (yes, literally a little macaroni noodle) because I felt like a smooshy noodle is probably safe going down the hatch. And I have started to be a "spoon licker". So when I make Aidan something I can't really eat, I just lick the spoon to get the flavor of it. Sad times.
Well tonight I decided that we should go to Panera. It was just me and Aidan so I thought it's be fun for her, plus they have soup, and that is something that I can eat. I looked at their little nutrition packet and thought I would be a rebel and order their baked potato soup. Yes it is a creamy soup, but really I have had a grand total of about 250 calories today so I thought I should splurge and call it a day. I asked for a taste and it is DELICIOUS (for those without eating restrictions I would highly recommend it!!!) so I ordered a cup. I had about 2 spoons full before I felt like I had swallowed a brick. That feeling where you just want to burp to get that air/pressure out of your chest and throat. WOW. So I am starting to really see how this sleeve works.
Not only can I not eat very much of anything... I can't eat what I would like at this point. I had to switch to a clear broth (french onion) and that went down fine. But creamy... no way.
So I guess what I need to figure out is how to get the recommended 600-800 calories a day. I have been living on around 400 for 2 weeks now, and because I can't eat much I can't get my calorie count up. I would try to make it up with the foods I am eating but with 2 oz of something and trying to eat healthy, that equates to about 50-75 calories. Not to mention that when I eat the 2oz of normal food instead of a protein drink, I sacrifice a lot of grams of protein. Instead of getting 15 in a serving, with a good food, I'll get maybe half. Today I am down in protein AND liquids which needs to change if I want to lose this weight!
Speaking of which, I stood on the scale again and gained 3 lbs. Which I guess can be accounted for with clothing... sort of. I think my body is starting to go into starvation mode and storing everything which means I need to find a way to consume more good calories. Not sure how to do this.
Also, the executive assistant for the hotel was going around taking orders for our managers outing next Monday. Ceasar salad and steak and mashed potatoes and sauteed spinach. Sounds like a dream right???? I am FREAKING OUT. I can't eat salad, that's for sure. I can probably squeak by with some potatoes, but I am afraid to try a bite of meat there because if I barf it will be in front of about 17 people. Maybe I will just cut some up and push it around the plate for awhile to make it look like I am interested? Or sit strategically. Ironic that I will tell the entire world on facebook about this but not my coworkers. Only 1 knows. HI APRIL!!! xoxo
Well, I guess after that outing I will have some exciting experiences to post.
Well tonight I decided that we should go to Panera. It was just me and Aidan so I thought it's be fun for her, plus they have soup, and that is something that I can eat. I looked at their little nutrition packet and thought I would be a rebel and order their baked potato soup. Yes it is a creamy soup, but really I have had a grand total of about 250 calories today so I thought I should splurge and call it a day. I asked for a taste and it is DELICIOUS (for those without eating restrictions I would highly recommend it!!!) so I ordered a cup. I had about 2 spoons full before I felt like I had swallowed a brick. That feeling where you just want to burp to get that air/pressure out of your chest and throat. WOW. So I am starting to really see how this sleeve works.
Not only can I not eat very much of anything... I can't eat what I would like at this point. I had to switch to a clear broth (french onion) and that went down fine. But creamy... no way.
So I guess what I need to figure out is how to get the recommended 600-800 calories a day. I have been living on around 400 for 2 weeks now, and because I can't eat much I can't get my calorie count up. I would try to make it up with the foods I am eating but with 2 oz of something and trying to eat healthy, that equates to about 50-75 calories. Not to mention that when I eat the 2oz of normal food instead of a protein drink, I sacrifice a lot of grams of protein. Instead of getting 15 in a serving, with a good food, I'll get maybe half. Today I am down in protein AND liquids which needs to change if I want to lose this weight!
Speaking of which, I stood on the scale again and gained 3 lbs. Which I guess can be accounted for with clothing... sort of. I think my body is starting to go into starvation mode and storing everything which means I need to find a way to consume more good calories. Not sure how to do this.
Also, the executive assistant for the hotel was going around taking orders for our managers outing next Monday. Ceasar salad and steak and mashed potatoes and sauteed spinach. Sounds like a dream right???? I am FREAKING OUT. I can't eat salad, that's for sure. I can probably squeak by with some potatoes, but I am afraid to try a bite of meat there because if I barf it will be in front of about 17 people. Maybe I will just cut some up and push it around the plate for awhile to make it look like I am interested? Or sit strategically. Ironic that I will tell the entire world on facebook about this but not my coworkers. Only 1 knows. HI APRIL!!! xoxo
Well, I guess after that outing I will have some exciting experiences to post.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Last Day of Liquids!!!
I am so excited I cannot wait to share in my excitement! TODAY IS MY LAST DAY OF ONLY LIQUIDS!!!!!!! (I cannot insert enough exclamation points to make this happy enough)
It has been a rough 17 day road of only liquids. I have cheated (I did eat laughing cow cheese wedges the past couple days, and 1/2 a jello pudding one day), but overall it has been a steady diet of myoplex, protein packets, and Hint water. Mmmmm. The myoplex has really saved me because just 16 oz or so packs in 42g of protein. So I have been having one and then one or two additional protein packets (either "punch" or "boullion") which each have 15. My goal amount is 70g per day but I am finding that nearly impossible so I just focus on getting in what I can and trying to drink a lot of water to supplement. It has been a rough road, but I am VERY proud of myself.
I also went out to buy tofu last night. I am NOT looking forward to eating it but it is better than cottage cheese. I need to look up some exciting recipes for that. And I also got my sugar free Torani syrups to flavor my yogurt. So I figure these 2 things for meals (and possibly egg) and then supplement still with my protein packets or myoplex and then in 2 weeks.... I can eat normally again!!!!! Well normally but about 1/10 of what I used to eat. I get full now on 1 laughing cow cheese wedge.
Another thing that I have been thinking about is all of the food surrounding me. I love food. I love the look, the smell, the taste. I am in the hospitality industry, a board member of the National Association for Catering Executives, I live with a chef.... my life involves food at every turn. I was reading a post on my vertical sleeve message board and a woman was horrified that her husband brought home pizza despite the fact that she couldn't eat it and loves pizza. Yes, I agree that the husband is an a-hole for doing that but I also think that this woman needs to face reality. I have a family, I have to watch them eat delicious food nearly every day. But I made a choice to change my life, and if my doctor recommends letting my stomach heal and that I only drink liquids, then so be it. Yes I have cheated, but certainly not with something as crazy as pizza. God Bless that woman though... she chewed up a small piece and spit it out, just to get the flavor. So I can't be too judgemental. I completely understand how hard it is. Thankfully there is not a food that I "can't say no to" because I have said no to just about everything the past 2 weeks. In a way it inspires a sort of confidence for me, that I CAN do this!
Speaking of confidence, I stood on the scale this morning (yes it is a morning weight so probably not the most accurate, and I was only wearing undies) and I am now down to 224.4. That's another 2.6lbs down! Woohoo! I put on my work pants this morning, and I don't know if it is psychological or what, but they are definitely a little loose, especially in my thigh area. Like I said, I am not sure if all of this is in my head, or real, but I don't care, it feels great!
Another thing that is feeling great is my big surgery incision. "Big" is probably not very accurate. My incisions are really quite small, and I think my surgeon was pretty darn awesome. I saw another girl's incisions at a week out and her belly button one was BAD. Here is a pic of one of my small ones (taken about a week ago, so they are even better now. I have four of these). You can see that the area around the incision is reddish and that is because I am SO incredibly itchy : (
And here is a pic of my "big" one. It is about an inch long. And please excuse all of the stretch marks that my dear Benjamin graced me with about 18 months ago. He was 9.5lbs with too much amniotic fluid... what can I say?
Can't wait for the scars to fade and for me to begin my new life completely!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Weekend fun...ish
I am never sure what to do on a weekend when we don't have set plans. The days seem to fly by a lot faster without them, and I am not sure how I feel about that!
Yesterday I thought that one of my incisions was infected so I left work a little early and headed to SF to have my doc look at it. Low and behold, no infection thank goodness! But my belly and all other parts of my body are SO itchy. I mentioned it to my doctor and he said that because I am not taking in any fats or oils right now, I probably am having dry skin issues. So he recommended that I take an Omega 3 pill each day. I went and got them at Trader Joes today and have been slathering myself with calamine lotion. It is THAT itchy! So far I have lost 17 lbs from when I weighed in at his office on 12/16. He said that that is fantastic and that if I stick to the program I will most likely lose 100 lbs in around 9 months. Whew! That is super exciting!
I also ingested 1g of fat yesterday with pleasure.... a laughing cow cheese piece. I am supposed to be on all liquids but in a few days I transition to mushy smushies like yogurt, and I figured that laughing cow is so soft it would melt in my mouth. I kid you not, I eat about half of that little wedge and I felt STUFFED. I don't know if it was because it didn't agree with my stomach, or if I really was full but despite the fact that I wanted so badly to finish it, I ended up throwing half away. I can already see that I am going to have issues with not finishing what is on my plate, which means that I need to take the doctor's advice and only portion out what my stomach can hold..... 2oz.
With the next transition, I am supposed to have set mealtimes and it will take me about 3o minutes to complete a "meal". A meal consists of about 1/4 cup of whatever it is I am eating. I bought some greek yogurt today, and need to get some sugar free torani syrup tomorrow to flavor it because Lord knows I do NOT eat plain yogurt... ew! Also, since I do not eat cottage cheese, the doc recommended tofu. So I am going to need to research some yummy tofu recipes. Cottage cheese just freaks me out.... I have never had it in my life and I will not ever have it. Gives me the heebie-jeebies!
On the homefront, we finally have gotten to see my parents & brothers yesterday and today and it was great because I miss seeing them all the time and I know Aidan and Benji just love them. Yesterday Aidan and I were over and she did NOT want to leave! She insisted on a sleepover and her Grandpa granted her wish so she had a fantastic sleepover. I am always impressed with how my mom pulls out all of my old art supplies like stamps, stickers, markers, etc and Aidan just LOVES them! See, it pays to store stuff for 10+ years!!! lol. I swear they have saved every toy from my little brothers (now aged 12 and 13) and I would balk at that but all's well that ends well because we DO use them!!!!! We went over again today to pick her up and both kids had so much fun with their uncles. And we will see them all again tomorrow because we are going to my Grandma's to pack away all of the Christmas decor. Tina, Aidan says she is ready for another sleepover!!!! To be honest I am really grateful that my child likes sleepovers because although she doesn't have them all that often, she doesn't freak out about where we are.
Another great development was that on Friday I woke up and all of the sudden 95% of my pain was gone! I can bend, touch my toes, pick up things off the floor. It is so much better than the past week! I am hoping these incisions heal up quickly so that I can wear normal pants without leaving the buttons undone.
Tomorrow is Jesus day as I like to call it and all we have planned is heading to the city yet again. Hoping my children act properly at my Grandma's and that we have a mellow, happy day :)
Yesterday I thought that one of my incisions was infected so I left work a little early and headed to SF to have my doc look at it. Low and behold, no infection thank goodness! But my belly and all other parts of my body are SO itchy. I mentioned it to my doctor and he said that because I am not taking in any fats or oils right now, I probably am having dry skin issues. So he recommended that I take an Omega 3 pill each day. I went and got them at Trader Joes today and have been slathering myself with calamine lotion. It is THAT itchy! So far I have lost 17 lbs from when I weighed in at his office on 12/16. He said that that is fantastic and that if I stick to the program I will most likely lose 100 lbs in around 9 months. Whew! That is super exciting!
I also ingested 1g of fat yesterday with pleasure.... a laughing cow cheese piece. I am supposed to be on all liquids but in a few days I transition to mushy smushies like yogurt, and I figured that laughing cow is so soft it would melt in my mouth. I kid you not, I eat about half of that little wedge and I felt STUFFED. I don't know if it was because it didn't agree with my stomach, or if I really was full but despite the fact that I wanted so badly to finish it, I ended up throwing half away. I can already see that I am going to have issues with not finishing what is on my plate, which means that I need to take the doctor's advice and only portion out what my stomach can hold..... 2oz.
With the next transition, I am supposed to have set mealtimes and it will take me about 3o minutes to complete a "meal". A meal consists of about 1/4 cup of whatever it is I am eating. I bought some greek yogurt today, and need to get some sugar free torani syrup tomorrow to flavor it because Lord knows I do NOT eat plain yogurt... ew! Also, since I do not eat cottage cheese, the doc recommended tofu. So I am going to need to research some yummy tofu recipes. Cottage cheese just freaks me out.... I have never had it in my life and I will not ever have it. Gives me the heebie-jeebies!
On the homefront, we finally have gotten to see my parents & brothers yesterday and today and it was great because I miss seeing them all the time and I know Aidan and Benji just love them. Yesterday Aidan and I were over and she did NOT want to leave! She insisted on a sleepover and her Grandpa granted her wish so she had a fantastic sleepover. I am always impressed with how my mom pulls out all of my old art supplies like stamps, stickers, markers, etc and Aidan just LOVES them! See, it pays to store stuff for 10+ years!!! lol. I swear they have saved every toy from my little brothers (now aged 12 and 13) and I would balk at that but all's well that ends well because we DO use them!!!!! We went over again today to pick her up and both kids had so much fun with their uncles. And we will see them all again tomorrow because we are going to my Grandma's to pack away all of the Christmas decor. Tina, Aidan says she is ready for another sleepover!!!! To be honest I am really grateful that my child likes sleepovers because although she doesn't have them all that often, she doesn't freak out about where we are.
Another great development was that on Friday I woke up and all of the sudden 95% of my pain was gone! I can bend, touch my toes, pick up things off the floor. It is so much better than the past week! I am hoping these incisions heal up quickly so that I can wear normal pants without leaving the buttons undone.
Tomorrow is Jesus day as I like to call it and all we have planned is heading to the city yet again. Hoping my children act properly at my Grandma's and that we have a mellow, happy day :)
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