Home sweet ALMOST home :)

Well, it has been slightly over a month now since I moved into my own place. The month started out extremely challenging. The main reason being the children. Not only is it a new space, but it is the first time all 3 of us have had to sleep in the same room! I started out thinking that Benji would sleep in a converted crib and Aidan in bed with me, but after the first night it was blatantly obvious that that was NOT an option! I didn't get much sleep the first week, and finally was able to get each kid a bed. Aidan has a fabulous princess canopy bed & Benji ended up with a Firetruck bed. Both of them are awesome and the kids will sleep in them, although every now and again I have little monkies slipping into bed with me.

Also, I am one of those people who live to make a house a home, even one that I don't intend to live in forever. So I am sharing some "before" photos to give you an idea of the layout of my new place. Here is the living room.... and yes, it really started out like this!!!! haha

And then there is my little kitchen. Not much counter space, sadly. HOWEVER, there is a nook for a breakfast table which I love and which I felt the need to paint as an accent wall!

These pictures are very very very "before".... It is making me think I need quickly share the "after"s!

Here is the bedroom before.... everything in the place was offwhite (I HATE off white paint)

And with some green paint, patience, and some awesome help, this is the new color of the bedroom!

It is a little more green than I had anticipated but it is great to have color in any capacity. Livens up the place! Oh and that rug is not there anymore.

And then my awesome original tiled bathroom... PINK original tile, oy vey! I didn't know what to do with it until we went to Home Goods and I saw the cutest shower curtain (to be revealed in my next post) and that darn shower curtain inspired the CUTEST bathroom! And despite the old tile, it has new floors, new paint, and tons of useful storage... so i am not complaining!

Lastly, one of the main reasons I love my little apartment is the fact that I have in unit laundry. FULL SIZE in unit laundry! And for someone who is obsessed with laundry like myself, this is heavenly. I am lucky to have an eternal handy-man in Brian, who helped me paint, install laundry machines, switch out door knobs, hang pictures, hang curtains, install cable... you name it he did it. And I am sure he will be thrilled with me posting this picture in here! haha

Here he is installing my washer & dryer. AWSESOME!

Throughout the month I have tried my best to make it feel like "home" and it does... sort of. Until things like what happened last night go on. I picked the kids up from school, stopped to grab some food for dinner, and as I am coming towards my block, I see police caution tape blocking my street. And I look on and just MY block is roped off, with about 4 or 5 police cars blocking the way. Awesome. Talk about making me feel safe. Thankfully I was able to park on a side street and walk to my house (with kids in tow, mind you) but it is times like these that I question my success as a parent. I feel like I should be providing a safe environment and caution tape is not on my list of "good" things for kids to see :(.

Thankfully this morning everything was cleared away and I still do not know what exactly happened. I can only think of two options: murder or a car accident. Both are not good.

Aside from all of this, it is such a blessing to have my aunt and her husband next door to us. The kids adore Lily, their mini-doxie, and I love having someone to chat with, or someone for the kids to go hang out with while I make dinner. These two also happen to be their godparents so it is a nice way for them to be close as well. We hadn't seen them in awhile prior to moving in so it truly is a blessing being so close. Plus my aunt is loving getting all of my hand me downs! She had WLS last year and is doing great, but she is flying through clothes just like I was! So nearly every day I find SOMETHING to give to her and say "enjoy!". It's the least I can do, with all the help they give me :)

Oh and I am not sure if I mentioned it, but my surgeon asked me to star in his promotional online video. It was fun! And they finally have it up and running: http://beta.locateadoc.com/profile/welcome/314052. I have yet to listen to it with sound but when I watch it without, all I notice is how I make funny faces when I talk and OMG I blink like I have something in my eyes!!! haha. Must've been the bright lights and talking into a camera... whole new respect for reality TV people when they give their little one on one camera interviews!

Still holding on to my 110lb weight loss. Gotta kick things into gear because I have a tropical vacation coming up in a few months and you better believe I WILL be in a bikini, saggy skin and all!

Long time no posty!

I have been subliminally procrastinating writing a new blog post because I do believe that some parts of my life are private and do not need to be posted on a public blog.

So the abridged version of the last month and a half include

s:

• I moved into my parents' house with the kids after leaving Roger early January (and after his sister moving into our house)
• Dave, my "work husband" left our company and got a new job else where, devastating me (and forcing me to demand jewelry as a break up gift! haha)
• My friends, family, coworkers, and boss, showed me what love & support really means (and shocked me with their generosity and kindness)
• I moved into my OWN place!!! I have never ever lived alone before.
• And my birthday is tomorrow!

So, obviously that glosses over the issue of divorce because again, I think that is a private matter, but I moved out, got my own place, and am moving on with my life. For once, I feel like I took the "high road" and really just wanted to make the transition as easy as possible for the children. They did struggle while we were staying with my parents, because it wasn't split into mom's house & dad's house... it was Grandma's house. So they just saw it as being away from home :( Although that part sucked, it was absolutely wonderful to have the love and support of my family. Who wouldn't like to stay with their Grandpa who firmly believes in spoiling them?!!!!

Or spending time with their very very favorite uncles who tickle them, build train tracks with them, or even take the time to sit down and make puzzles?!

Or, the best part of being at Grandma's house just may be getting to have pets! We all LOVE Pearl, the very best dog in the world!

So, even though it wasn't "home" (well, it was for me....) it was a safe haven, and a much needed escape from Camp Crazy.

I didn't last too long at my parents' because I was getting killed with tolls, gas, and simply time. It would take upwards of an hour just to get the kids to school in San Leandro, and then I would commute back to Burlingame, and then back to San Leandro, then back to SF. I was spending 3 hours per day in the car, driving about 150 miles, round trip, and spending $10 on tolls a day. Miserable. Absolutely miserable.

So, this amazing thing called prayer really works.... and also it works for those who help themselves; the whole "seek and you shall find, ask and you shall receive" thing. I was trying to hard to find a place, but I knew that I needed a deposit. And rent prices in the Bay Area are sky high right now. I mean, piece of crap apartments are going for over $1000/month in horrible neighborhoods. It is terrible. I knew I wanted to be in the East Bay, preferrably San Leandro/Hayward because of the kids' school, but ultimately I just wanted to find a place, move in, and be able for my kids to call it home.

So, I asked, I received, and I moved in! I am currently living in the "hood"... I'd say "ghetto" but that might be offensive. Let's just say I don't go out at night :)

Never in my life have I lived with a gate to "protect" my front door but you know what they say "When in Rome...". Better safe than sorry, quote frankly! And my door/welcome mat are most likely the friendliest in the neighborhood! Who else has a Happy Valentine's Day sign???? That's right, just me! BUT, with that said, the apartment itself is pretty close to perfect. Except for 1 thing, but I will get to that in a minute. The apartment is in a 4-plex, owned by my "aunt"'s brother in law. He is awesome. So kind, and my rent is extremely reasonable. I was able to move right in. Fabulous.

It was a beautiful, wonderful, fabulous day when I moved in. That smile is bright and so so genuine!

Back to the whole "ask and you shall receive" thing.... I moved out with literally my clothes, jewelry, a couple assorted kid things, my dresser, and the washing machine. I have managed to furnish my ENTIRE apartment with: free items off of Craigslist, hand me downs from family and friends, and the extreme generosity of a special friend. When I say "I feel blessed" there is no way that the statement can truly express how I feel. And there is no way that I would have stayed in a messed up relationship for physical "things". Better to have peace of mind and nothing than insanity and some couches.

While all of this was going on, my coworker Dave gave 2 week notice. Most people probably cannot understand why I dwell on this, but Dave and I had become very close. He is married with a lovely wife & baby daughter and he is just one of those people who is so genuine and so kind, you can't help but love him! We also were a team... he did the manly stuff, I did the girly stuff, and more often then not, people assumed I was his wife. So, although he would make a lovely husband, he obviously wasn't mine, but we joked all the time that he was my "work husband". When he quit, I felt like I had gotten dumped!!! Omg, traumatic. I know that his choice was the best thing for him and his family, and I am still in contact with them, but I do miss him! Now, the amazing boss that she is, my boss Karen let us girls have our own little "goodbye" party for Dave.... the week after he left we went and got mani-pedis!!! lol

I went the fake nail route, because after moving my nails were TRASHED. Every time I get them, I hate them because it makes me "all thumbs" (chuckle chuckle), but I will say, the end result is very pretty! I am so not used to seeing perfect frenchly manicured nails and a naked wedding ring finger : ( But, hey.... they look pretty! :) Oh and ftr, my finger is now a size 5. HOLY CRAP!

Luckily, my moving weekend fell on a weekend sans children, so I was able to take time and paint some walls, put everything away, and get somewhat set up, without my 2 littles underneath me. As I mentioned before, the apartment is pretty much perfect with the exception of 2 things: the location, as previously discussed, and also, it is only a 1 bedroom :( The positives: in unit laundry (full size!!!), good sized bathroom with new paint, new floor, new fixtures, great closet space, a garage for storage (my car would fit but not with my crap in it), a parking spot RIGHT OUT FRONT! (in this neighborhood, Lord knows I need it) and my only utility is electric. Awesome right?! Well, awesome except it is a 1 bedroom. Did I mention I have 2 kids 50% of the time?????

So, the first attempt at sleeping arrangements was me sleeping on the couch, Aidan in my bed, and Benji in his converted crib. Yeah that was a joke. Benji AND Aidan wanted to be in the "big bed", yet they didn't want to sleep with each other. I was up all night, worried Benji would fall off the side of the bed (I hadn't prepared with a railing), getting smacked from both sides, and it was just a disaster area. I knew I needed toddler beds for BOTH of them. So, the following week I was able to get a princess bed for Aidan, a firetruck bed for Benji, and I downsized from a queen to a full, thanks to my parents' collection of different sized beds ; ) The set up seemed ideal. Yeah.... except my children STILL want to sleep with me! AHHHHHHH!!!! Benji is doing much better than his big sis though, and he will sleep through the night in his firetruck. Aidan on the other hand... she lasts about half the night, and most recently she has said screw the princess bed, she wants mommy.

I can't say that I blame her... she has a cough and it definitely keeps her up at night :( On Tuesday night, she refused to take her cough medicine so it was a LOUD LOUD cough that was preventing Benji from falling asleep to begin with. I had the bright idea of doing a little camp out in the living room for her, so Benji could at least get some rest. Yeah, Princess LOVED that idea! Partay! Check out this smile.... she even got midnight snacks from Mom... crazy girl! So, at least Benji got some rest, Aidan did as well, albeit amidst coughing, and Mom... yeah no rest for the weary. I spent the night running between the living room and the bedroom because Benji refused to sleep in his own bed so he was in mine, and Aidan woke up every few hours looking for me, and you can't fit both of us on the couch. I love my children to death but I can't deny that I was looking forward to my own lonely bed last night!

And speaking of last night.... dinner party/pre-birthday dinner!!!! The company I work for had traded some rentals for a dinner party and we arranged it to be a "birthday" dinner for me! SOOO FUN!!! We invited significant others, and some of our very favorite clients, and it was a blast! AND little did I know.... I got presents!!!! Lindsey (client) brought me beautiful tulips and an enormous Hershey's kiss. And Erin (former client/friend) gave me this ADORABLE custom cake stand! I love it!!!! It goes with the "theme" of my kitchen (I was going for French country-ish, hence the yellow wall and flower pic) and I *think she made it herself! Oh and there were some yummy spice cake cupcakes included for good luck!

All in all, I have been going through some tough times (lost 3-4 lbs because of it) but there have been some shining stars, both people, and experiences, that have made it bearable. I am so lucky, blessed, special... you name it. I am ending my 20s an entirely new woman, and I am so very excited about the year to come!

Oh and btw, I am a movie star! I was filmed for my surgeon's promotional "pick a surgeon" video.... more on that soon!

La Familia y Comida

Well, time to play catch up! A lot has happened since my last post, mainly in the form of a surprise trip to Cincinnati! Woohoo! Most people are probably wondering why Cincinnati of all places would elicit a "woohoo!" from anyone, especially a city girl like me, but I have family there that I really enjoy and I haven't been back to Cinci in 8 years! That is almost a decade!!!!!

My mom's sister and her hubby started their family in Mexico (she was teaching abroad and met this suave Meixcan named Poncho... they got married and she stayed in Mexico with him, had 3 kids, etc.). Well he worked for Proctor & Gamble and eventually the company wanted him to head up an enterprise in Cincinnati, their US headquarters. And so, the family moved there back in the late 80's and has been in the same house ever since! We used to visit for Thanksgiving back when my Grandma was mobile, and I would stay for a few weeks to a month in the summertime. Needless to say, Cincinnati, or more likely the cousins and aunt and uncle I have there, all hold a special place in my heart.


Well, those 2 crazy Mexican love birds celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this past monday! Imagine that?! 40 years. WOW! My cousin Tanya had the idea to throw them a surprise party to celebrate... afterall, nowadays how many people make it to their 40th anniversary? Slim to none, right? So she sent everyone save the dates and hoped for a good turnout.... and she sure got one!!!!


People traveled from California, Georgia, all over Ohio... and even Mexico City! And let me tell you, "the Mexicans" (my uncle's sister, brother & kids) are an absolute BLAST! I had spent time with them as a kid because 1 summer we all ended up staying with my aunt & uncle at the same time, and I also got to party with them at both my cousins' weddings back in 2003. But again, it's been 8 years and I tell ya, not much has changed! They are still as fun loving and warm and kind as ever! I kinda wish I was related to them also! haha.


Since there were so many out of town guests, the "grown ups" stayed at a hotel, but the "cousins" stayed with my cousin Tanya. She lives about a mile from my Aunt & Uncle and I LOVE LOVE LOVE her house! It feels like a cabin in the woods, decorated with Crate & Barrel stuff....and lots of nice linens and toiletries to enjoy. Oh and yes, it is in the woods (a deer family walked right by the bedroom window while I was there!), but yet the main road with Wendy's & McDonald's was within walking distance.... quite a paradox! I had to take a picture of her house to commemorate my trip of course....

Tanya and I have had a special relationship since I was a kid. She is 8 years older than me but has always treated me like a friend more than a "little kid". I was always invited to tag along with her and her friends, we like the same things in general (except she doesn't like shopping... blashphemy!), and back in the good old days our family called us the "Bobsey Twins". It kind of stinks that we live a nation away from each other, but the good part is that when we DO get to spend time together it's as though no time has passed at all. I love her! Oh and her hubby Aaron and kids are all adorable as well... just a really nice family :)


Ok so back to the title of this entire post.... "La familia y comida" means "the family and food" because Tanya's mom, my aunt Marilyn loves to cook more than anyone I have ever seen, met, dreamt of, etc. This lady would cook in her sleep if she could! And nothing gives her more joy than seeing others enjoy her cooking! So Tanya had to somehow convince her that despite her son Ian (my cousin) and his wife Krista and their kids being in town from Switzerland for the holidays...s he was NOT allowed to cook her own anniversary dinner! She just told her to dress nicely and that Ian, Krista, Aaron (her hubby) and all of their kids were going out to a nice dinner for the evening.


Little did she know, 45 of her nearest and dearest were eagerly awaiting her arrival at a local restaurant! Here is what she looked like when she figured out that people had actually traveled in an airplane to celebrate with them....

I was the first person that she saw and kind of looked at in recognition like "hey what are you doing here?!". I went forward and gave her a hug and she went "OH MY GOSH! Alexis?!!!" She later confessed that she was thinking that I was a woman who LOOKED like me, but she wasn't sure it was me because she hadn't seen me since I had started losing all my weight! In fact last time she saw me was the day before my surgery! That part was kind of fun :) In fact, the Mexicans were SHOCKED when they saw me! I was at a peak weight in 2003 when they saw me (around 220lbs) so the wives had to tell their husbands that I was in fact "me". That was fun too!

Overall the party turned out great, and Tanya was grateful to have my party planning "expertise" in a few set up details, requests, etc. Hey.. it's what I do ; ) My aunt and uncle could not stop saying how surprised they were and how no one had ever thrown a party for them in the past 40 years, ESPECIALLY not a suprise party! They truly had no idea. And my aunt started crying (and I think my uncle shed a few tears too) when they saw how many people had made the effort to be there to celebrate with them! Well done T on planning an awesome surprise party!

Well, as predicted by all of us, the minute the party was over my aunt was planning our next feast at her house. We followed up the late night after party with a traditional Mexican breakfast....aka heaven on a plate! She made moilletes (pronounced Moy-yet-tays...not sure if I spelled it right) but basically it is rolls browned on a griddle, slathered with refried beans, monterey jack cheese, and broiled until the cheese is all melty. OMG DELICIOUS!!!! I hadn't had those in again, 8 years, and they tasted as good if not better than I remembered. And additionally she made chilaquiles.... torn tortillas lightly fried, smothered in fresh warm salsa verde, and topped with chopped onions and crema. No folks, those items are NOT on my diet!!! But darn they were amazing!

We also ended up at her house for dinner (think 20 people each meal) and there were just too many dishes to list on here, but all of them were outstanding and delicious. The cool thing about having a family that loves to eat is the comraderie around the table. Meals with all of my cousins and family and aunt and uncles... they are just awesome. We can sit forever just talking, laughing, reminiscing. It really is special. That's the one thing about this surgery that kind of blows.... I can only eat so much so while everyone else is still enjoying, I am cut off. (the trade is COMPLETELY worth it, so don't think I am truly complaining) But here I am , hanging with the ladies (Tanya, me, & my cousin Ian's wife, Krista)..... as I mentioned before, the table was about 20ppl deep at one point!

The other really awesome thing is that the three of us have all been pregnant around the same times, twice for all of us, girl first boy second for ALL OF US!!! How cool is that?! I loved seeing and playing with all of my cousins who all happened to be around my same age, so I am thrilled that my kids will get the same experience... not only from the Cincinnati peeps, but also from my Bay Area peeps as well.... us cousins are apparently good breeders! haha And we all had kids around the same time making for good times in the future.

So I have to credit my ability to attend this fine function to my mama. She bought my ticket with her credit card miles because apparently CVG is an expensive airport.... cheapest tickets were close to $400... OUCH. So Thank you MOM!!!! You are awesome! And also thanks to Roger who not only watched the the kiddos all weekend but also took care of Pearl, my parent's beloved weiner dog. She is like kid #3... even has to sleep in a people bed! haha. My mom was glad to get a picture of her entire family at the restaurant where the party was held... very festive as you can see! My "little" brothers are growing into men very quickly!

My flight home was purposely scheduled so that I could enjoy Monday in Cinci before going home.... I knew I got in late, but I wasn't prepared to be sitting on the tarmac for over an hour due to some mechanical glitch that had to be cleared. But alas, I made it home safely and was so glad to see my little monkeys and snuggle with them. They really are amazing kids and Aidan, in her sleepy haze, was coherent enough to sit up and say "MAMA!!!" and give me a big hug, before laying back down and passing out. I love that girl :)

Not much rest to be had before our Blue Water work party the following evening. I love these girls too! Kelly & Jennifer are the front lines at work and they are really great. We have a wonderful time discussing world issues like shopping at Goodwill & Target, calling each other fake names (I'm Charlene, in case you were wondering), and enjoying all of the great treats that come through our front door! I am lucky to have such great coworkers (even Dave, who took me to the airport on my way to Cinci!). Oh and might I add that we also like to get the party started early....


Merry Christmas Friends and Fam! I hope that you all have a wonderful holiday and enjoy "la familia" "la comida" and all of the blessings that Christmas brings!

Oh and my next check in about eating right and weight... eeks... Cincinnati was a land of Skyline chili 3 ways, diet Pepsi galore, chocolate opera cake, and Outback.... yeah.... I need to work on my restraint! The good news is that I can only eat so much : X Still holding strong at a size 4/6 and 138/9 lbs though!

The Uptown Girl, living in a Crafty world

The title today was pretty snazzy huh?? Uptown girl... I'd say downtown world, but in reality, around these parts, downtown is uptown.... but the point is that I am a city girl through and through. San Francisco, born and raised, 4th generation BABY!!! Woohoo!

Well, now that I got my city pride outta the way, perhaps I should get down to the point of this post! You see, I have noticed that in the past 2 years or so "handmade" goods are all the rage. I fall into the raging category, yet I have never been Susie Homemaker and I am 10x more likely to order out or in than cook a meal. Not so much since surgery, but that's just cause I am poor at the moment :) Either way, my domestic skills have been lacking, and I recently decided that it is high time I do something about it!!!

Enter my magical website called Pinterest.... land of the crafty, resourceful, mother, teacher, or creative someone or other. I freaking LOVE this website. The main reason is that some of the ideas or crafts seem so darn easy I think to myself "I can TOTALLY make that!". One catch: items you sew. Or embroider. Or really anything involving a sewing machine.

I grew up with a Grandma who could sew anything... she used to make my mom's clothes (stylish ones I may add!) when she was growing up/a teen, she used to make my Halloween costumes, she would even sew my teddy bears outfits to match mine! Her sewing machine was put to good use. And in the same way, my mom is a great seamstress... she definitely knows her way around a sewing machine, and has made me Halloween costumes, etc. Yeah that's pretty much where the sewing bloodline ends.

The cool thing is that I just so happen to work for a boss that has an embroidery machine and was completely willing to let me bring it home to make some holiday gifts. SCORE!!! Those things are like $500! I figured I would bring it home, read the manual, and get to work. Ummm the manual is like 200 pages full of crazy diagrams with letters and arrows, and the LCD screen on the machine is awesome and everything but I could barely figure out how to turn the darn thing on. Martha Stewart: 1. Alexis: 0. Roger had a good laugh at me trying to figure out what everything was and he told me sewing takes a lot more than just a lesson.

He did prove to be right (hmph) BUT my boss Karen was kind enough to start my lessons yesterday!!! Lesson 1: threading the bobbin, and threading the needle. Here I am.... I made my coworker Dave take a picture of this momentous occasion!

My desk is behind the bookcase thing, and I swear it is not normally full of crap... those are all really cool sewing CDs and tutorials that were in my boss' sewing SUITCASE... yes that's right her machine travels in style.

Anyway, my lesson lasted about 15 minutes because I had to go get my babies but I *think I just might be able to accomplish the 2 tasks I learned yesterday, by myself. We shall see when I attempt lesson #2... learning wtf the LCD screen does.

On to something a little more my style.... life downtown! Growing up in San Francisco, the downtown area, namely Union Square, is all abuzz with holiday fun! It just so happens that I have a meeting downtown tonight for my Catering association and one of our board members works at the Westin St. Francis.... SCORE!!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am because I have yet to feel the joy of the season in downtown SF. I love the lights, the tree, the energy... yup. I'm a city girl!

Now the thing about going downtown is that everyone is so spiffy down there! I couldn't go to my meeting looking like a schlub.... so I figured, LBD (little black dress), tights, boots.... AND MY NEW AWESOME RED PURSE! Love the color pop, right?!!! So fun! So Holiday! And SO CHEAP!!!!

Those who know me know that purses are not really my "thing". I don't have a Louis. I do have a Gucci (and as I am writing this I am realizing that it is actually red... and super cute... perhaps I should have worn it today....) but the Gooch is from Florence and I got it half off which was the equivalent of $250 which in the grand scheme is nothing for a Gucci bag..... but anyway I digress..... My normal every day purse was a Target steal that cost me $6.24 and I find it very hard to pull all of my crap out to change purses for a day. So generally, I don't.

BUUUUUUUUT.... for this occasion, I decided, what the heck. My new purse is snazzy, right?!! Well yeah snazzy and a steal at $12. I was thrilled. Thrilled UNTIL my coworker Kelly pointed out that perhaps it was a steal because it is BROKEN! (insert huge GASP!). Say what?! How the heck did I miss that?!!!! Well the ends are bound with these weird door hinge mechanisms so the bag flexes open to hold your stuff. On one side the pins that go through the mechanism were missing. Oh geez.....

I guess I better pull a MacGuyver on this puppy!!!!!!!

If you were not laughing before, you are definitely laughing now. This is my magican MacGuyver creation with paperclips!!! LOL. Hey, I may not be able to sew, but I do know how to make it work. I'm like Tim Gunn on Project Runway... Make it work!!!!


In all honesty I do not think that you can see the paperclips from afar, and I definitely wouldn't be walking around with this purse every day (just for tonight's festivities it seems), so the paperclips were a GENIUS idea! Go me!!!


And go me on my hair. I am slowly learning to manage it with no product and a little creativity. My cousin wanted to know if I still like it and if my face looks fat with it short. My response to her: see below

I don't think my face looks fat at all. But I also don't think that I am fat anymore. If I was 40lbs heavier like I was for about 7 years, then this style would have definite potential to bring out the butterball in my face. The weird thing is that I kinda feel like my jaw is almost angular now. I had always believed I had a really round face. Perhaps it was just pudge?? The more I see this picture the more it looks like I have a really big head. I don't have a big head, I swear... Kelly my professional blog photographer is 6 feet tall so she has a weird angle..... thanks Kelly!

And so my friends, this uptown/downtown/all around girl is about to enjoy a night in the city with some colleagues who rock.... off to enjoy!

The Glass Gingerbread House

Where do I even begin with this blog?? There is so much to say but the main point is that those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Let me also start with WHY I write my blog. I heard that some people believe that only egotistical people write blogs. Well, I have one thing to say about this... well no, I have 2. The first thing is that if I am blogging and egotistical, Why are you reading my blog???? The second is that the reasons I write are: a) it is a journal for me to remember my journey. I recently reread all of my entries, and I have changed so much since day 1 of writing. b) it is a chance for strangers who have had, or are thinking about having weightloss surgery to understand my journey, to compare their experiences, or to be empowered to start their journey. I have gotten numerous emails of random people thanking me for writing.

And the biggest "thank you" starts with "THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY". And this comment is probably the nicest one that I could ever ask for. You see, I have absolutely no hesitation in being an open book. This blog is public for a reason. I am not ashamed of any decision I have made with or in my life. And despite the positive responses, I have also been hearing some "gossip" that is going on behind my back about my life and my blog. So I am going to pointedly address these issues in order to clarify.

Let's start with family ties. You see, blood is supposed to be thicker than water. I grew up in a very nice family. I would say my childhood was far happier than a lot of people's. My mother was a single mother until I was around 8 and we lived with my grandparents which was probably one of her best decisions because we lived in a very warm and cozy home (that very same house where all holidays and birthdays are spent : )). And when she married my stepdad I was again so blessed to be given a stepdad who I don't consider a "step", just a dad. He is an amazing man. I also was fortunate to grow up with plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins and just generally.... I have a great family!

I would also like to add that my Grandma (the one who is in the hospital) is an amazing woman. She was my second mom. I love her. And I am really blessed to have a mother who would a) not only do anything for me as her daughter, but has truly devoted her life to caring for my grandma for the past 15+ years (she has been wheelchair bound since her stroke that long ago). She has 3 siblings, some that live far away, and another who lives close by, but none do a milimeter as much as my mom does. And I think that deep down they know that. Some try their best to help and others choose to be so self absorbed that they don't visit in nearly a year or have the decency to call her on Thanksgiving (while in the hospital mind you). But yet all seem to have a whole lot to say about my grandma's care. I would honestly love for them to spend just a week in my mother's shoes. Caring for my grandma is a ton of work, so although my mom may not get to work until 11am, she certainly isn't lounging in bed until then. Instead she is going to the pharmacy, answering the 45th phone call because my grandma is INSISTING that she MUST get orange juice for breakfast, visitng the hospital, shuttling my brothers to school, packing lunches, doing laundry, etc etc etc. Oh, did I mention she runs her own business on top of all of that. Again.... those in glass houses, whose houses are a helluva lot smaller, shouldn't throw stones.....

But as time has gone by (and the tone of this blog unfortunately), I feel like our family has splintered. Divisions have formed, and in my opinion some family members have become overcome with bitterness and contempt. Well folks, I have one thing to say: If you are over the age of 18, that makes you an adult. It makes you liable for your own actions. You cannot live life BLAMING others. You cannot accuse others of "destroying" your life. Your life is the way it is because of your own choices, and if you are in a space in life that you don't like, change it. I hated being 245lbs. Yeah I complained a lot... and then I realized that I was that way because of my own issues and choices in life. And then I CHOSE to CHANGE.

That change has made me a better person, I believe. I spend a lot less time worrying about others' faults, and what I am not getting from them. I spend more time worrying about myself and what I can do to help others. I spend more time worrying about my healthy. I am doing better at work. Sadly, my marriage failed, but you know what.... no relationship is perfect. No one can sit there and say that their marriage is 100% hunky dory. Even if your marriage has lasted for 40 years, I am sure that there have been bumps in the road.

Someone said that I must've married Roger for a father figure. Ummm no. Or ummm Maybe? I don't really know. But if marrying someone simply to satisy a "weakness" or "emotional issue" is the answer does that mean that someone who is REALLY jacked up marries a therapist for free sessions??? Or should my next husband be a personal trainer because now that's what I really need??? I think not. We SHOULD be marrying for love (at least in Western belief) and I knwo that my relationship was and is very difficult to understand for friends and family but often times relationships are only decipherable by those who are living them. As the saying goes, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And I could spend days talking bad about Roger, and at times have, but there are also 100 wonderful things I could say about him as a father, as a husband and as a person. We don't hate each other, we are just not meant to be married.

Also on that note, I want to say something about family in general. If you want to BE part of a family, you have to participate. You have to make an effort. Any relationship works that way. The friends I see most or am closest to.... we are that way because we both make an effort to be a part of each others lives. We both help each other in times of need. We both offer a shoulder to cry on or to lean on. We also offer encouragement. We don't sit there and criticize each other or others and we enjoy each other's company. Sure, I have friends whose decisions I don't agree with, but I like them as a person. And I respect them enough to tell them to their face that I don't agree with their choices, but just because of that, it doesn't mean we can't be friends. In fact, in a lot of ways, being friends with people who have different views than my own enlightens me and broadens my own horizons, even if my choices are different.

You see, I don't live in a "dream world". I didn't get married "for a dream wedding" (trust me, a dream wedding would have been free!). I also didn't get married for a father figure. I love my family and my children. I write my blog not for my ego, but to share and record. I also write it with transparency... I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. And if people reading this are too ashamed to a) admit they read this or b) confront me about issues in my life that they feel the need to gossip about, then I truly feel sorry for them. I hope that one day they will find peace in their own relationships, both marriages and family ones to be honest with themselves and realize that their own houses are glass, and there is plenty that I could say to hurt them or criticize, but I won't.

Life is about love, it is about learning, it is about forgiviness. And it is about being the best YOU (or me in this case) that you can be. I wish people would remember this instead of spending their lives doing the opposite. I realize that this post was somewhat negative which was not my intention but just know that in Roger's words "Just realize that if you are talking about someone behind their back, they are talking about you just the same".... and in my own words: The truth shall be revealed.

Gobble Gobble, Wobble Wobble

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know, I know, the holiday has passed but with all of the business of last week and this past weekend I have not had a chance to blog about it. Plus this gives me a chance to save up all of my exciting info and photos and provide a post that is quite possibly the most photo-ful that I have ever posted.... watch out!

This year was a year full of firsts for us. This was the first year Aidan was really excited about Thanksgiving and knew what the heck was going on. She made adorable crafts at school and told Roger and I how thankful she was for us. She also wanted to make cards for both her Grandma (my mom) and her Great-Grandma (my grandma who is in the hospital : ( ). So despite our time crunch I quickly traced her little hand and let her decorate her "turkey" for the card! Look how CUTE it came out!!! She also is getting really good at writing letters as you dictate them. I think that she did a great job with the long word "Thanksgiving", but maybe that is just the mama bear in me talking with pride.

Another big first was that this was the very first year we did not have Thanksgiving at my grandmother's house. For those of you who know my family, you will understand that EVERY holiday, occasion, etc. is a "Savelli holiday" meaning, spent at Grammy's. Her house is truly a home, with warmth, love, and more memories for our family than I can list. We just spent Aidan's birthday there actually! Well, unfortunately my grandma recently came down with pneumonia and has spent the past week and a half in the hospital. The good news is that the pneumonia is gone. The bad news is that she will spend probably another week or so in the hospital with some physical therapy for other issues. We did go visit her last Thursday and she was quick to point out what she wanted me to get her for Black Friday...that info to come.

We ended up having Thanksgiving dinner at my mom's house. She was adorably excited about FINALLY getting to break out all of her serving dishes and holiday decor, and also christening her gorgeous pottery barn table that has served as a storage unit for the last few months (they repainted their house (which is small to begin with!). AND it was also the first year that I contributed with my culinary skills (slim to none on the richter scale!). I half made a 7 layer dip after Roger comandeered it and added a HUGE can of refried beans (sigh.... sometimes people just need to listen to someone who loves to eat!). And thanks to Pinterest, my very favorite idea website, I made a spinach and gruyere pie/calzone/quiche type deal. It was sort of tasty although a lot salty... I think I put too much gruyere which I didn't think was possible to have too much yummy cheese but I didn't realize how salty it was. Anyway... it came out WAY better than Roger thought and it looked beautiful coming out of the oven. CHECK THIS BAD BOY OUT!
It was tasty, but salty. And EXPENSIVE might I add. Roger called it the million dollar appetizer. To which I replied "Excuse me but it is NOT an appetizer! It is a side dish!". Hmph. It was a labor of love..... that's my reply to all of my crazy crafts and menu items that I want to try out : P


The rest of our weekend was spent somewhat decorating the house, and just hanging out with the kids. I hung the wreath on the front door, some in house wall stuff, and dug out this mini silver tree I got last year at 75% off. I would have put it in Aidan's room, but I feel like the princess gets EVERYTHING, so I decided to put it in Benji's little room. He has been a good boy and not messed with it, and they both had a great time putting on the ornaments (non-breakable thank goodness). I asked them to take a picture with it and Aidan insisted that Benji sit on her lap. Ummm ok. But my gosh they are cute! And yes, my son's very favorite blankie is the free one we got from the hospital when he was born..... wish I would have known that and saved my dough on other blankets! lol
Just some more Barr kid goodness to enjoy because my gosh they are just the cutest!!! Wondering what will happen with the alignment on this picture.....looks weird on the "word" part of the blog. Oh well!

Anyway, my diet went out the window the last week. I was living in carbville starting on Monday, when people at work started in with the cinnamon buns, the cakes, the cookies, the dips, the chips... omg. It was craziness! I gained 3lbs last week. As of yesterday I am back up to 142. And I tell ya, it is a WAKE UP CALL! This just goes to show that so much of weight issues is all based on what you eat. When your diet is primarily carbs, up goes the scale. I once went to a crazy weightloss doctor who I could barely understand but one of her mantras was "carbs feed your fat. Protein feeds your muscles". So now when I eat carbs I just think of how I am feeding my fat... and yet here I am still eating them! Eeks! I swore to myself yesterday that I needed to be back on the wagon starting today because I don't want to see the 3 pounds turn into 5, turn into 10, turn into 20, etc. Because that DOES happen!

So.... I woke up today and went to the gym. I swear I was going to entitle this post "optical illusions" because every time I go to the gym after not being there for a few days I feel absolutely gross about myself. Especially after seeing the scale go up. And then I get to the gym, do my cardio, and when I go to do my weights I see the strangest thing. I see MUSCLES. Say what?!!!! Yes, that is right, I see arm muscles. And the reason why I am so perplexed by this is because my arms used to be HUGE. Like ham hock huge... for reference find my post about my trip to Hawaii because I do believe there is a "before" pic of my arms on there. But anyway, I decided to take pictures today because I don't know if the gym has magic lighting or what.... I don't think my arms look like this at home! ***I am NOT flexing in these pictures. Look at my biceps.... look at my SHOULDERS! Wth?! I look like a chicky who is buff, tuff, and has the stuff! Now with that said, in the forward facing pictures you can also see that I still am hanging onto my Puerto Rican hips and booty.... can't fight genetics folks :P



And I know what you are thinking:

LMAO!!! Sorry but I didn't think it was appropriate to ask a stranger to take a picture of me in a locker room, and I also wasn't about to be taking one in the main space where EVERYONE could see what a dork I am. But, I love this Pinterest find.... seriously folks, stop taking pics of yourself in bathrooms already :P I only take them in the bathroom at work for my blog, GEEZ! haha

Anyway, seeing these pictures of myself reminds me that I am scarred from the experience of being so overweight, but also that the reality is that sometimes I just need a reality CHECK. I need to see that I am working hard, and the hard work is paying off. Size 4 pants, buff arms, a new do.... this thanksgiving I was of course thankful for my friends and family, a roof over our heads, Roger and I both having jobs .... but I am most thankful for being given a new chance at life. I will forever be grateful for that.

The long and the short of it

Well this post was originally supposed to solely be about my new hair-do but I feel compelled to address an issue that to me is slightly over dramatic.

Let's start with the bigger issue: I am getting divorced. There ya have it, it is confirmed... I rival Kim Kardashian for shortest marriage.

In all seriousness, we really have decided to get divorced. The drama part of it comes in behind closed doors and from the mouths of busy bodies. Ya see, Facebook is the advent of the devil, and although I am guilty of being intrigued by all of my friends' posts and pictures, I also don't take it too seriously. OR if I see something on there that concerns me, I contact the person directly, send them a message, and speak my mind.

Yeah, well not everyone is like me, and although some people swear each day that they are getting rid of facebook, the sad truth is that it keeps us sucked in. And with all of the notifications that pop up on our news feeds and inboxes it is hard to miss the comings and goings of our friends!

When I got married, I changed my last name to Roger's last name. But what some of you may not know about me is that Johnson is not my maiden name. Johnson belongs to my ex husband Carl, and after changing it, I decided to keep my married name when we got divorced in 2005. It just seemed easier that way. But when I married Roger, there was no way I was keeping my ex husband's last name, or changing it to my maiden name... in good faith, I changed it to his. Plus our kids have that last name so that would make things a lot easier for them in school!

Little did I know, facebook is the end-all be-all of name changes. I changed to when we got married, I changed it when we separated, only to find out that that caused a stir among family members who were not tuned in to the intimate workings of my relationship. Roger posted some crazy comment a few months ago on FB to which I replied, and then I resigned myself to not post any details or defaming remarks about our relationship because quite frankly, it is no one's business but a) our own or b) anyone who I PERSONALLY choose to share it with. But again, the mouths were whispering and asking friends of friends who then asked me.

For goodness sakes people! If you have a question, go straight to the horse's mouth! I purposely put every last name I have ever had on my facebook to simply point out that it gets tongues wagging and sure enough, it did. Some people had enough tact to come right out and ask me, and I respect that. At least they didn't say "oh here we go again, she changed her mind for the 100000x". They straight up said "Did something change?". Nope, nothing changed. We are still getting divorced.

And to go with my new found singledom (which in all honesty, I do not tie to my surgery AT ALL...just tying it in to the blog here...) I have decided that I need to cut off the excess and start fresh. So... I chopped off my hair!

I may or may not have a slight obsession with a website called Pinterest. And every day when I peruse the site I find more and more cool things. One of which is this picture of Katie Holmes. She looks might sassy with her hair, and I fell in love with this haircut. So... I brought it to my hairstylist today! Let me preface this with the fact that my hair generally does not cooperate with anything I do other than straighten it, so I have had the same hairstyle in varying lengths for YEARS. This Katie Holmes do is similar, but slightly messy for my usual taste... but I LOVE IT! I feel like the "new me" deserves something spunky and sassy to celebrate my loss.

I am 99.99% sure that my hairstylist thought I was a looney-tune when I asked her to photograph my hair chopped off, but she was game, so I closed my eyes, said a prayer, and opened them to this: EEKS!!!! That's my HAIR! (gross dead hair, from the looks of it!)

Isn't it weird how we identify so much with our hair... which is what, weird follicles that we try to remove from like 98% of the rest of our bodies?? Anyway, I truly didn't freak out as I described, I felt oddly liberated... like I had cut off the bad vibes that I had been dealing with for the past 3 months or so.

Although I can't say I look just like Katie Holmes, I can say that I feel great. So without further ado...... Here are the before and after shots!

Yup... that's me on the right.... the NEW ME! Spunky, Sassy, and ready to face a new chapter of my life.

Oh and in case you are wondering "Why did she get married to begin with?!" Call it love. Call it a want for my children to have a nuclear family. Call it stupidity. Call it whatever you like. I still maintain that it was truly one of the happiest days of my life. And it saddens me that we couldn't work things out in the end. But better to realize it now than have our children grow up in a miserable household.

As things stand now, I am sad, but I am also hopeful that the next few years bring a sense of independence, newfound strength, and that sassy, spunky woman that I think got lost in the shuffle.