Holy Guac!

Holy Guacamole! My body is not cooperating, but I suppose neither is my mind. I have been playing with the same 2 lbs for about 2 weeks now. I can attribute that to a few things.... my period for one, me not following as strict a diet, and possibly stress. But no matter what I choose to blame it on, the fact is, I am STUCK!!! AHHHHHH! So irritating!

I am dying to get under 200lbs. Like 2lbs away dying. I know the difference between 199 and 200 is nearly nothing, but to any weightloss surgery patient, it is enormous psychologically. And I want to be able to say "I did it!".

I also realize that I need to really address my food addiction. The more I think about it (and realize that this surgery is a tool, not a fix) the more I see how simple carbs are everywhere and exactly what I look for when bored, stressed, sad, happy, etc. It's crazy. Last night we went to sushi, and I ate really well. More than my sleeve should have allowed (I had 3 slices of sashimi and 2 pieces of a spicy tuna roll w/ seaweed salad on the outside) which is also scary, but that is another post...... But basically 90% of what went in my mouth was protein, and lucky for me this particular restaurant doesn't use a lot of rice on their sushi rolls. So I come home and from the time dinner ended until the time I went to bed was about 2 hours..... in that 2 hours I contemplated eating one of my new favorite snacks... a square of cheddar and 2 saltines (I break the cheddar to fit the cracker and enjoy). But I literally sat there and thought to myself "this is head hunger, you JUST ATE DINNER! You don't need crackers for goodness sakes! STOP IT!!!!". Thankfully my sanity ruled out my food addiction and I went to bed without eating more. But I am fully aware that this is how to cheat the system and how to waste $10000 and surgery that can save my life. It's really scary to think about!

Today I was good... protein shake, grande non-fat latte,... and then I had some bites of pizza. I swear this office is going to be the death of me. If it's not pizza, it is candy, donuts, cookies, you name it. And as I am able to eat more, the more I have to learn to make a conscious decision to say NO. And it is a lot harder than I thought. Before I had surgery I was told that when they cut out the stretchy part of the stomach, they remove the ghrelin gland that produces the hunger hormone. Well yeah, I think mine must be located elsewhere because I certainly feel hungry a lot! And I was warned by the nurse right before surgery that not everyone stops feeling hungry... I guess I was a lucky one :(

And like weight watchers teaches you, get rid of the bad stuff!!!! Roger had bought some cookie dough and there was a little left over (in a plastic tub) so I will go in the fridge and have a spoonful. Ok yes, I am not eating half a tube like I would have previously, but I am fully aware that cookie dough is not going to help me lose the next 60lbs. So why do I do it?? I don't know. The only answer I can think of is that I am addicted to food. And sadly, unlike drugs or alcohol, it can't be removed from my life completely so I have to learn to manage my triggers and learn how to say no, life is ok without it. Right after surgery I was doing so very well, and to this day, I still make choices to make sure I am getting proteins, liquids, etc in. It just gets harder as I can eat more.

So, alas, I am just trying to stay positive, know that these 2lbs will indeed come off, and I WILL succeed in losing the weight I intend to lose. I think my first step is going to be ordering a Zumba dvd. I tried Taebo the other day but I swear it was the janky version with bad music and the people in the background messing up!!!! LOL. Zumba at least has good music and I can shake what my mama (actually I think it came from my Puerto Rican dad to be honest!) gave me!

Pictures, Pizza & Patience!

Well, I finally took some current pictures, albeit via iphone. But, alas, with a mile marker of 41lbs down, it needed to be done! I have saved my size 18W dress pants that I lived in at work to remind myself just how big I had let myself get. But you better believe that I was the first person in line to pack up and ship out all of my clothes that miraculously have gotten WAY TOO BIG!!!!! Like falling off too big! And thank goodness that I went through the plastic bin of clothes that I had deemed too small... half of them are already too BIG now!

And so, here is me, as of today, March 8, 2011 (wearing control top pantyhose though!!! lol):

Now as for the patience... although this surgery causes rapid weightloss, there is still a lot of weight to be lost! And a common occurence is stalls. Basically I stop losing weight, my body recalibrates its composition, I lose inches (which is exciting!) but that darn scale just gets stuck. I feel like that is what is going on right now. I have been stuck in the 205-207 range for about 10 days or so. AHHHH! This is after hitting 204 one day and then it jumping back up. Boys close your eyes, but ladies I am blaming my period and water retention on this one! This morning I stood on the scale and it was back to 204. Only 4lbs to go until I get back in the 100s. What a sweet day that will be! If I start screaming, crying, jumping up and down, don't be alarmed. I haven't been in the 100s since I had Aidan in 2007.

I have also discovered an awesome protein bar that I think should be mentioned. Muscle Milk Light, Chocolate Peanut Caramel. I swear to you, it tastes like a snickers bar and has the consistency of a really awesome caramel candy from sees! That thick, harder caramel, OMG. I LOVE THEM!!!! They are my current afternoon snack when I am craving junk and know I need to get some protein in. They have 170 calories which is slightly high, but lower than the average "protein bar" which is normally around 250. It has 15g of protein (yay!) when again, the avg protein bar has 6-8. And it only has 9g of sugar. Look on a power bar and tell me how much sugar is in it! A LOT!!!!! So anyhow, that is my current recommendation for proteiners everywhere :)

Now on the flip side, the other day I was on a crappy eating binge and attempted to eat a piece of pizza. I have to say it was pretty funny how much I could get down without feeling ABSOLUTELY STUFFED! Picture a full pizza wedge....... and now check this out:

Yeah that's about 3-4 bites. Stuffed. Completely stuffed. I love my sleeve! It reminds me not to eat the stuff I shouldn't be. And it reminds me WHY I needed it. Previously I would have downed the entire piece in about a minute and been looking for more! And no, I should NOT have been attempting a piece of pizza.

So all in all the past few months have been up and down and all around physically and emotionally but I would not take back the surgery even for a brief second. I am so grateful that I was able to have it done!

Lesson Learned

Well, I learned my lesson today. From all of the sweets and treats of Valentine's Day I managed to gain 2 lbs when I weighed in tonight. : ( Not good!

I shouldn't be surprised. But I kind of am! The past few weeks I have had little bites of sweets here and there. Nothing substantial. And every time I weighed in, the numbers just kept on decreasing! I think that I got into la la land, thinking that I could eat whatever I want. Because yesterday and today, with an overabundance of sweets at work, I definitely indulged, and I definitely should NOT have!

It sounds silly to think that I could have risen above scientific facts of weight loss. But I did. And now I learned my lesson! So... no more mini snickers (hey, they're mini!) or slurpees (in my defense I drink half and it is the only way to get my coke fix!) or little carby bites. It's back to business. I have about 70 lbs to go and I KNOW that I can do it!

On the bright side, I do think I shrunk another inch or so. My skirt (the new one that I had pulled out of the boxes) was loose, and I am noticing that my jacket for work is getting REALLY loose on top. I might have to splurge and get a new one although I really don't want to (I am forced to wear a suit jacket which I find uncomfortable). But either way, it's good to know I am shrinking : )

Also, I had a wonderful Valentine's Day. Probably my first good one in a long time. I got roses at work, a gift from Victoria's Secret, and cards from the kids. I cannot complain!

Non-Scale Victory!

So there is an acronym in the weight loss surgery (WLS) world called NSV. What this means is "non-scale victory" or basically success that doesn't involve weight at all. I have had a few the past week or so and I have been so focused on the scale moving that it took me a little longer to realize them!

The first is that I now have the ability to throw unhealthy food away after just a bite. It's happened a few times now and I am really hoping and praying that this habit sticks with me for life. For example: On my birthday my company sang me happy birthday with a scrumptious red-velvet cake w/ cream cheese frosting. One of my very favorites!!!! It took 2-3 small bites, and because of my stomach size, I was extremely full. I contemplated taking it back to my desk to nibble on after my stomach had emptied, and then I thought to myself "why would I eat that much crap?? I shouldn't even be eating the 2 bites!". So... I THREW IT AWAY!!!!! The same thing when Roger had taco bell the other day. I had 2-3 bites of a burrito and just threw it away. The whole point of my surgery is to not eat a) bad stuff but b) not eat as much. So although I am throwing away foods that I like, I am starting to understand that there will be other times for me to enjoy them... I don't have to binge and stuff myself.

The second NSV was yesterday morning. I have 2 bins in my closet of old clothes that didn't fit anymore. They were a size or 2 smaller than my pre-surgery size, and I knew I had gone down 1 size but didn't think I would fit in the majority of my work clothes yet. On a whim, I tried on a skirt on the top of the pile. Not only did it fit... it was slightly loose!!! This prompted me to try on pretty much everything in the bin and about 90% of it FIT! I just kept repeating "omg this fits!" about 10000 times to Roger! I even fit into my pre-Benji jeans!

Now interestingly enough, where I am losing weight is still weird. I am 1/2 Puerto Rican, which generally means wide hips and thick thighs. I definitely inherited that. But pre-kids, my stomach was very nice and it was where I lost weight first. Now, it seems like my thighs are shrinking faster than my stomach! I am not complaining!!!! But, what I am complaining about is my butt. It is still wide, but it's starting to look flat! Ugh! On the plus side, a lot of people complain that when they lose weight their boobs become flapjacks and are where they lose first. For me, the girls are still full and as perky as possible after 2 kids! I am also not losing much hair, which makes me really happy. I am attributing this to the fact that although I try to stick to my diet, I do incorporate some healthy fats to keep things healthy with oils. Right after surgery I wasn't ingesting any fats at all and my hair and skin were HORRIBLE.

So, on the homefront, I have been in a great mood because of all of these fab NSVs and the beautiful weather, and a great birthday, and and and. Let's say the past few days have been good! Oh, and of course, the scale is still moving much to my shock, so I am now at 211. Woohoo!!!!! So so so excited. I really do think I will cry the day I am back down in the 100s. It has been 3 or so years since I was. Only 12 lbs to go!!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Woohoo! February 10 has arrived and I am officially 28 years old. Wow how time flies! Never thought I would be 30. Now it is only 2 years away. I have also come to the conclusion that the world at large succumbs to reverse psychology.... the less of a deal I make about my own birthday, the more of a deal everyone else does! lol.

Today has been fab thus far. I woke up, changed a dirty diaper, dealt with Aidan and her morning grouchiness... and then Bev showed up with my first birthday gift!!! A GORGEOUS necklace. It is beautiful! And because it is my birthday I am making the extra effort of putting pics in this posting... watch out!

The picture really doesn't do it justice. Plus I didn't expect to receive anything at all so getting a gift as gorgeous as this... I was happy happy :)

So, Bev took Benji with her, and I took Aidan to school. Running slightly behind, but hey, it's my birthday! And this entire morning, throughout my errands I have heard an incessant "ding!" of my phone. Facebook postings and text messages galore! I sure do feel special today!

I arrived at work and was greeted with a loud "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!", which again, who am I to turn away people cheering for my birthday?! I walked into our "stand-up" which is a morning meeting where we all meet at the front of the office. When it was time for me to go to my desk, this is what I saw:

They really went to town with the streamers!! LOL. I love it though. I left it up and have almost crashed into it about 10 times so far! Also got a few "Happy Birthdays" from the staff, and even a sparkly email from our revenue manager! Hoping for some yummy bday cake this afternoon, which seems to be the tradition around here.

Oh, and the figurative "icing on the cake".... I lost 2 more lbs!!!! I am now 212. Holy bageezus it is just falling right off these days!!!! AND I haven't thrown up in about a week. MAJOR PROGRESS!!!! It is as if overnight I either learned to slow down while eating, or my stomach just magically healed up and I am ok. But the best part is that either way, I am still losing weight. I leave for San Antonio on Feb 19, and I hope to lose 5 more lbs before then. We shall see. Either way, I am so thrilled with my surgery's success.

And so, 28 is proving to be a wonderful birthday! I can't wait to see what the rest of the day brings my way :)

I made it through!

Yup, that's right, I made it through an entire weekend without throwing up!! WOOHOO!!!!! I seem to have figured out the key.... it isn't as much WHAT I eat, it is the speed at which I eat it. So this weekend for example I had a potato skin. I cut it into small pieces and would eat 2 at a time, wait a bit, chat a bit, and then eat 2 more. And that pattern seemed to work for everything I ate, no matter what it was! This just goes to show that I need to reprogram my brain that food is not scarce and thus I need to take my time and enjoy it rather than shoveling it down my throat!

This weekend I also indulged in a little retail therapy. There has been a lot going on both at work and at home and I was able to get away and Saturday was just absolutely fab. I ended up in Gilroy at the outlets and I promised myself I wouldn't go crazy with the buying. I kept that promise although I did find some KILLER deals. Dress pants for work $3.97. SERIOUSLY?!!! I bought 2. One in the size I am now, and 1 a size smaller.

I also figured that if I was going to spend money I shouldn't spend I should exercise while I am at it. So I parked at one end of each little shopping center and instead of moving my car, like I would have in the past, I just walked around the whole thing and made a circle back to the car! It worked because I weighed in today at 217 fully clothed, which is what I weighed the other day without clothes and at the crack of dawn. So I think I am down another 2 lbs!!! Woohoo!

I also took the time to majorly pamper myself. Got my nails and toes done, my eyebrows waxed, went to the movies, and even purchased a pair of boots that I figure I can wear to the rodeo when I go to San Antonio in a few weeks. That's right, mama's off to the rodeo! YEEHAW!!! lol.

Another notable encounter was with a friend of mine who I have known for going on 3 years now. We hung out and it was so nice to talk to someone objective and just chill. The night life in Gilroy left a lot to be desired but we ended up in Morgan Hill at 1 of the 2 bars there and it was SO FUN!!!! I can't drink so it was definitely interesting how different life is when everyone around you is completely drunk and you're sipping on ice water, but it was nice to know that I can still have fun as a DD. It did help that this group of girls had us rolling in laughter. One needs to be a comedian for sure... I'd pay to listen to her!

Now it's just me and Aidan hanging out at home. She is in her jammies, had cereal and a go-gurt for dinner (awesome mom I know) and I am catching up on FB before we retire. I am also amazed at how I feel hungover and yet I didn't drink! Maybe it is a psychological thing??? lol

The bright side

Trying to stay positive these days because since my last stall I have lost 8 or so lbs, which is not shabby at all. I didn't lose anything today but that might be because yesterday was a carb-fest. Not good! Today I was much better and stuck to the majority of what went into my mouth being healthy proteins.

I did attend a ribbon cutting this evening because I am a Chamber of Commerce Ambassador, and they had SOOOO much delicious food. I could have eaten up a storm, pre-sleeve. They had enormous fresh shrimp cocktails, tri-tip on a crostini, smoked salmon on a crostini, mini-quiches, crudite, a HUGE fruit platter, chicken and beef kebobs, the list went on and on and on! AND there was free alcohol which I did not get to enjoy. Interestingly enough, I definitely miss the food way more than the alcohol.

I also had a coworker come to my desk with a picture taken of me at the holiday party this past December and she said that I don't even look the same anymore. I think that is a stretch, but it was nice to hear! I am wondering how much more weight I need to lose to go down another size in clothes. 1 size is great, 2 would be better!! I did do a little mall-walking today to burn some calories, and I returned a few items from Macy's that I am afraid I won't get use out of because I am losing weight fairly quickly. Well who am I kidding... 27 lbs in slightly over a month is crazy fast!

On the work front, it is really weird because I like my job, I just have a weird feeling (not good) about it. My boss is kinda crazy but I don't think she likes me that much. Before I was her golden can do no wrong child. Now I feel like I am the black sheep. Weird how the tides change. Oh well, there are seemingly endless options these days which I appreciate!

Hoping to lose more this week, if not weight then inches. Wish me luck!